Saying goodbye to him & Egypt.

It’s been 25 days since I left Egypt.

It’s been 25 days since I left him.

It’s been 25 days and not a day goes by that I don’t think of Egypt or him.

I had planned to write a few more post on Egypt like about my favorite bar in Cairo or the most amazing week of my life in Dahab with him or just how we did nothing together the last week we were together, but I just can’t. It’s been hard for me and writing about it will just make it harder. I’ve actually been avoiding my blog to avoid writing this. I feel like my journey in Egypt deserves a proper goodbye. I think the best way to do it is by sharing what I wrote in my personal journal the day I left and few other thoughts I’ve been thinking recently.

Hold hands shadow on the beach

~The two of us holding hands on the beach of Dahab!~

“Ahhh where do I even begin? Today has been one of the craziest days of my life and by crazy I mean an emotional mess. This morning I did one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. I walked away from love. I know I had made up my mind weeks ago, but actually doing it this morning was hard. We spent most of last night laying in bed talking about us and trying hard no to cry, but we cried… cried… and cried while just holding each other. We finally fell asleep then woke up made love one last time and then got ready to say our final goodbye. We said our goodbyes gave each other one last kiss then I got a cab.

On the way to the airport at 7am I just kept seeing the Cairo I love, but so empty without the hustle & bustle that makes it one of the most amazing cities in the world. When I arrived at the airport I knew something was wrong. So many cars were parked outside the airport and then my cab driver got out handed me my bag and said something in Arabic so I paid then he left. I was dropped off outside of the airport and had to walk all the way to my terminal in the morning heat. When I arrived drenched in sweat with hundreds of other people sitting around and then tons at the desk yelling. I bumped into an Egyptian man who spoke English who was also on my flight so we buddy-ed up. Apparently all the workers of Egypt Air were on strike demanding better pay. I sat there worried about my flight as I watched the clock tick away. 9:45am came and went. We all just sat there waiting and the entire time I kept thinking “maybe this is a sign… maybe I shouldn’t leave Egypt” and as we continued to wait there and over the course of the day we heard 8 fights break out at the Egypt Air offices. Over 12 hours later we were finally on the plane and ready to leave to Istanbul.

Fuck I’m sitting here about to cry… I just want to leave Cairo. This seriously just hurts me so much and this fucking strike didn’t help at all. I can’t stop thinking about him… his laugh… his smile… his lips… his everything. I’m going to miss him so much. I thought at this time I’d be in Istanbul already crying myself to sleep in a dorm; instead I’m here in seat 22B holding my tears back because everyone is wide awake and the cabin lights are still on. I’m just ready for this plane to take off because once it does I will feel relieved and feel that my time in Egypt has officially come to an end. I think that’s when the tears will really roll, because at that time I know I will be leaving a piece of my heart behind.

Well we are taking off and this means a new chapter in this crazy journey around the world is beginning. I know it will be tough but it’s what I wanted. So here I go back on the road again.”

Men holding hands in Ancient Egyptian reliefs.

~Ancient Egyptian reliefs of two men holding hands.~

I spent almost 5 months in Egypt

I spent almost 5 months with him.

I can sit here and reminisce about everything I was able to do and whiteness in Egypt, but I won’t.  I’ve written enough about Egypt for y’all to know how much I love it. I don’t even know what I want to say… I mean it’s times like this that I wonder if the life I am living is even really a life? Yes I am seeing the world and it’s afuckingmazing, but really what am I accomplishing? It’s a life full of goodbyes. I’ve always wanted to travel the world and I am doing it, but I have also always wanted to find love. Now that I found it I walked away… I feel like a part of me is scared to let love conquer my heart. Now I’m traveling the world with a broken heart (that I broke myself) and it’s a fucking bitch. The reality of all this is that it’s all in my control… if I wanna go back I can go back at anytime, but for now I’m being stubborn and want to see more of the world like I planned and eventually make my way home (I miss it so much). Anyway now I’m just fucking rambling.

Heart around the sun!

~My last sunset in Cairo with his hands making a heart.~

The truth is words cannot describe how I feel about my time in Egypt or with him. They say a place is not about the place you visit, but about the people you meet when you are in that place and for me Egypt will always be him. I know I’m the fool for walking away, and the other truth that I didn’t want to admit to myself is that I don’t know if I made the right choice. I know it’s cliché, but only time will tell and only time will heal this broken heart I gave myself. For now I know that I have left and have no clue when or if I will ever go back and that they both hold a very special place in my heart, but I must carry on. The memories will never fade… I will always love him & Egypt.

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  1. Absolutely GORGEOUS post sweetheart – you can tell that you miss them both incredibly. In a weird way though, you should be proud of yourself for leaving. It would have been so easy to have stayed, settled and been in a love but maybe you would have settled too much and stopped seeing the world you had so desperately been seeking. Stay strong lovely – you will come back together if the Universe wants it. In the meantime, cry it out, write your journal and learn to love your adventure all over again xx
    Toni recently posted..Don’t save money – spend it!

    • Jaime Davila says:

      Thanks Toni, I guess you are right I should be proud, but at the same time I don’t see why I should. I mean in reality I walked away from what most people spend a lifetime looking for. Anyway sorry I can ramble and ramble… so yeah in the mean time I will continue to cry, write in my journal and learn to love this crazy adventure again.

  2. Wow… such a beautiful post. The world can leave you in such a cruel place… having to make decision between two loves. Why should so much grief come from following one part of your heart? It hardly seems fair.
    You’ve put it so well into words that it’s so sad to read. I hope you find the next happiness you’re looking forward to and have only good memories of the one you’ve left behind.
    Turtle recently posted..Making Turkish gozleme

    • Jaime Davila says:

      So true Turtle I never thought I’d end up in this situation and now I am and yes it really is fucking cruel. I am following my heart, but why does it hurt so much? It’s a million thoughts that run through my mind that I don’t know how to control. For now I must look ahead and enjoy what ever it is life brings my way. I still believe everything happens for a reason so who knows.

  3. Very emotional post, I know how that feels and it’s hard but it’s true what they say, time heals all wounds.
    A Cook Not Mad (Nat) recently posted..Devouring Budapest

  4. I feel you! But don’t despair, if he’s the one, you guys will be back in each others arms again sooner or later. I know no words will make you feel less sad about the way things are right now but everything will be fine.

    See you soon in Manila!

    DJ Yabis recently posted..Ridesharing in Spain: the BlablaCar Experience + Infographic

    • Jaime Davila says:

      That is so true DJ… thank you for telling me that everything you said just put a huge smile on my face.

      So excited to meet ya in Manila.

  5. You made me wonder more than once why on earth you left Egypt. Obviously, you must have had your own reasons, but perhaps it’s worth thinking to go back for a while and give the country and the person a more conscious try? Good luck on any of your decision 🙂
    Angela recently posted..Harvesting in Sardinia, time to produce the new wine

    • Jaime Davila says:

      Oh trust me Angela I wonder the same thing… & well only time will tell what I end up doing or how I will feel. Thanks for the luck…

  6. My heart broke with you, Jaime. I’m proud of you for being able to open up and share like this. It was beautiful writing and it really made me feel like I was there with you.



    • Jaime Davila says:

      Aww sorry I made you feel like that Andrea while reading this, but am happy you enjoyed it and that I made you feel like I was with me. I write from the heart.


  7. That tore my heart out which is nothing compared to how you must be feeling.

    You made a very brave decision and you are right, you can go back at any time. For now, try and soak up all that SE Asia has to offer you. It is an amazing part of the world and one where I hope you can find a little bit of joy.
    Lynne OHalloran recently posted..Valencia, where glamour meets grunge

    • Jaime Davila says:

      Thanks so much Lynne… for now I will do just that “soak up all that SE Asia has to offer” because in the end I can always go back.

  8. You never know what tomorrow will bring. I hope you find peace.
    Lane recently posted..First Western: The Great Train Robbery

  9. It is so hard to be in a relationship with someone from another country, especially a gay relationship. Believe me, I know. I have been with my Brazilian partner more than 10 years and you can’t imagine the difficulties we have gone through to stay together. The USA doesn’t allow the same -sex partners of its citizens to immigrate. I doubt it ever will. But Brazil–the country with the most Catholics in the world– does. I just got approved for my Brazilian visa. They call it a stable union visa (so fitting, really: my love for him has been the most stable thing in my life). I am a bit sad that I will never live in the USA again. But it’s the price I pay for love….talk about a cliche!
    But that price is so worth it and I would keep paying it if I had to. To be loved by someone and to love someone back–it’s just so worth it. I know you want to see the world, and that is your dream and destiny and bravo to you for making it come true. But can’t you go back to Cairo to be with him when you have finished traveling? I think if you want to be together, you will have to be in Cairo (unless he could get a student visa for the USA–or somehow get sponsored by a company for a working visa). Why not? You said you love the city. (I know you love Houston and your family, but you love traveling, so travel there for visits). It’s such a tough decision. You have to look so deep inside yourself to make this one. Be strong.

    • Jaime Davila says:

      Thank you thank you thank so much for sharing this with me. Seriously it just makes me feel better when some who is in my situation talks to me about their situation (does that make sense?). Your story inspires me and gives me hope, but at the same also makes me realize how hard it is going to be if I do decide to go back and make things work. What I hate is that it’s all in my control… all of it. It will be me that has to go back to Cairo and just having that control is so cruel, because I will have NO ONE else to blame but my self. I have also thought about him getting a student VISA… he is a student after all and well that would be amazing. I also know I could live in Cairo cus I love it, and yeah would just go back and visit home. It’s tough… but I know with time we will figure things out. After all we still talk just about everyday. I will stay strong and carry on with my broken heart.

  10. Sindy Ealmrani says:

    Just remember that if you are meant to truly be together then you will be. When we fall in love with someone it is often good, but very hard, to take some time apart. Because then you will know in your heart, mind and sole if you two are truly meant to be together and if you are, then you will go back when the time is right.

    I am very proud of you for continuing to follow your dreams. This is your time to experience the world and you know that. Your time for continued love will be there when it is right for you. Please keep your chin up and do everything you can to enjoy this once in a lifetime experience you are having!

    • Jaime Davila says:

      Sindy that is so true… I feel like every time I am away from him I know more and more I wanna be with him forever, but then my mind gets caught up in everything else I want in life and I’m back at square 1. Thanks for being proud of me… I will continue to follow my dream and see where life takes me, because the truth is no one knows what is ahead and these experience no one can take them away from me.

  11. Truly a beautiful post, Jaime. I was wondering how you were doing with leaving there. Thanks for opening up so much for all of us. Here’s a big hug from Mexico!
    Talon recently posted..Cruises vs Air Travel

    • Jaime Davila says:

      Thanks so much Talon, yes I’m here just dealing with my own lil drama…lol. Thanks for the hug from my mother land… I miss Mexico so much. Hug back from Thailand.

  12. Such a beautiful heartfelt post. hang in there. if things were meant to be love will find a way.
    Brendon recently posted..Losing my hostel virginity!

  13. Oh Jaime, this is so, so sad. How did you two leave it? Will he ever try and come and visit you in the US? Or you him? Or is it just too hard to even contemplate the long distance thing? What you’re doing for yourself and your life in the long run I’m sure will be worth it and if it’s meant to be with him, love will definitely find a way. I really believe in serendipity!
    Julia recently posted..I’m Addicted To The TLC Channel: A Confession From Belgrade

    • Jaime Davila says:

      Thanks Julia… wow I didn’t even mention that in the post. We ended things, because we both didn’t want a long distance relationship. I don’t know if I am going back to Egypt and doubt he would be able to visit me at home. We’ll see what happens… and well I hope I can figure things out to let love find it’s way back into my life and hopefully with him.

  14. steven massey says:

    For some reason this reminded me of some lyrics in Clark gable by the postal service. “I want so badly to believe that there is truth and love is real.” Seems like you found both. Followed you for awhile, but never posted. This was the definition of truth..

    • Jaime Davila says:

      I have never heard of that song Steven… so am going to look it up! Yeah I think I have found both as well. Thanks so much for commenting & thank you for following my journey.

  15. Such a beautiful post it gave me chills.
    Ayngelina recently posted..Food Friday: Farm to table

  16. Kieu - GQ trippin says:

    Beautiful, Jaime. Absolutely touching. Love has a way of finding it’s way back to your heart. One way or another. Big hugs! 🙂
    Kieu – GQ trippin recently posted..We Crashed a Wedding in India!

  17. Can I just give you a hug, dear? *hugs*
    Micamyx|Senyorita recently posted..Blue Lagoon in Pagudpud, Ilocos Norte

  18. Beautiful words & sentiments, Jaime.

    Hoping the next phase of your journey is everything you are hoping for.
    Erik recently posted..New Zealand- Chapter 14 (Part1)- Above and On the Glaciers

  19. As always man, straight from the heart and honest. I am sure it was hard to hit publish but thanks for doing it.
    Scott recently posted..Might As Well Jump

    • Jaime Davila says:

      Thanks Scott, it was tough… I had been putting off for so long, but finally just did it and hit the button.

  20. I don’t think there’s anything else I can say that I haven’t already said to you. I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I do know that you’ll get through it, and one of these days you’ll wake up feeling just a little bit more like yourself again. HUGS!! (And seriously, looking forward to giving you an actual hug again someday!)
    Ali recently posted..Sometimes I Fake It

  21. well i have just found your website by coincidence
    i don’t know if there’s another (Egyptian gay ) has commented here before
    but anyway let me start
    i’m Egyptian and i’m gay too
    you words was so touching ,lot of details are so moving ….traveling ,distance ,feeling his arms around you
    good company and everything just felt so great

    • Jaime Davila says:

      Hi Amr, I’m so glad you found my blog! I think I have had one or two other gay Egyptians comment on my blog, but not many. I know a few gay egyptians in Cairo. They were some of my best friends. I’m glad this post touched you and moved you. I feel in love with a gay men in Egypt and it was one of the most beautiful things to happen to me. I loved him and your country so much. I hope all is well and if you ever wanna chat just send me an email through my contact me page.

  22. Ok, after reading this article I can actually understand why you loved Egypt so much! Totally understand now!
    Marysia @ My Travel Affairs recently posted..Lucerne Lovely Light

    • Jaime Davila says:

      Ahhh yes now you know why!!! Of course Marysia, this wasn’t the only reason why, but part of the reason why I loved Egypt so much.

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