I sat there holding my tears back; I didn’t want to cry… not yet, not on the train. Across from me was Val in a daze holding her bag, next to her was Dani with a face of desperation, next to me was Jess with a face of freshly shed tears and sheer exhaustion. I looked down and continued rubbing the cross that I have on my daypack and praying to my God to please let us survive this train ride. I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream, and I wanted to leave India. I was done with her. This was it; this was the straw that broke my back. Moments later I looked at Jess and told her “This is inhumane, no human on earth should have to travel like this. The people look at us, and laugh, because they don’t know better, they think this is normal. You know I’ be more ashamed of telling my father about this than telling him about the hand job I gave on a chicken bus?”
The 4 of us were cramped in a 2nd class train cabin like sardines for a few hours. Imagine a cabin for about 100 people filled with at least 200+ people. Imagine people climbing over each other to get in or out, people pushing you to get through. Imagine you are in your coffin still alive and can’t get out. That’s the situation we were in and we honestly couldn’t take it any longer. Instead of going 14+ hours up to our destination we got off at a random town 5 hours in. We got off the train and had no clue where we were going to stay or what we were going to do. We were all frustrated… and I couldn’t take it anymore. I had shut down hours ago… I walked away from the girls as we were making plans. I started crying. People looked at me I didn’t care… the tears were rolling. I couldn’t help it, I felt in more danger on that train ride then the time I was held at gunpoint in Costa Rica.
—What it looked like right after we got off that crazy train ride.—
I can go on about how much crazier the night got after we got off the train, but I won’t. I had mentioned that I would never write about that train ride, because it was one of the worst moments of this crazy adventure I am on around the world. You see though it was after that moment I finally saw the beauty of India. I know what you are thinking huh… how? Well you see at that point I had already been in India over two months and honestly I hated it. I just was not enjoying it like I thought I would. The reason why I wasn’t enjoying it is because I just didn’t understand it. I know in a foreign country nothing is supposed to make sense. It’s not made for you to understand it’s made for the people who live there to understand. I just had never been a country where so many things didn’t make sense.
—A kid holding on to his cow after it almost rammed me.—
I didn’t understand why you would see a luxurious building and right next to it people sleeping on the street? I didn’t understand why Cows are just allowed to roam freely and even wrote about it here? I didn’t understand why just about everywhere you walked you would see trash? I didn’t understand why so many people lived on the street or under bridges? I didn’t understand why I would see people using the toilet in the street? I didn’t understand why I would see people showering near the railway tracks? I didn’t understand anything about the Ganges River and was basically repulsed by it? I didn’t understand why an Orange city would be advertised as Pink? I didn’t understand why they loved ripping foreigners off? I didn’t understand what their fascination with “AMERICA” (USA) was? I didn’t understand how the most hectic country I have ever visited is home to one of the calmest practices in the world… YOGA? I didn’t understand why people eat with their hands? I didn’t understand how they can have public toilets with no doors? I didn’t understand the Indian Railway system and why they would sell more tickets than seats? I didn’t understand how anyone could love this country? I didn’t understand many things and I can go on & on, but I’ll stop here.
—A group of children in a small desert village in awe of Val & I since they rarely see foreigners.—
You see it was after that crazy train trip that I realized that India doesn’t give a fuck about what you feel, think or don’t understand. India is one crazy bitch and she is who she is and either you adjust and enjoy the adventure or you are going to hate it. She doesn’t care about your feelings… she will tear you apart one minute and lift you up so high the next. She will make you see beauty in the most mundane things in life and at the same time make you see the horror of the reality that is the world we live in. She will feed you one second and make it a task to find food or water the next. She will make it easy to find shelter one day and difficult the next. She will make it easy to get to point A one day and make it a marathon to get to point B the next.
I’m a person who loves to question every thing and love to hear answers and well she didn’t give them to me and it wasn’t until I understood that, that I stopped hating her. It wasn’t until I realized that, that I realized why people love India so much. She is ruthless, she is intense and hides nothing from you. You see sometimes we travel to far and foreign destinations and try to make sense of things, but sometimes the beauty of things are that you can’t make sense of them at all.
—My house mother for 15 days while I volunteered in a desert town teaching English.—
It’s been over a month since I left India and to be honest I miss her. I look back and laugh at so many things (even the crazy train ride), that I will never understand and now understand that’s the beauty of her. Even though I had just celebrated my one year on the road when I arrived in India and thought I already saw the world differently… spending 3 months in India made me see the world even more different (hell I came back to Cairo and felt like it was one of the most calm, clean cities in the world). I wrote over 20 blog post about my 3 months there and this one is my final one (for now). When I left I thought I would never want to visit her again, however when I look at my photos I can’t help, but wanna go back. I only scratched the surface of what she has to offer. I don’t know how to put into words exactly how I feel about India, but know she will always have a place in my heart. I don’t know how she did that, but she worked her way in and because I know I will never love her I will tell her this:
Oh India I hate you… I hate you not!
I really appreciated reading about India through your eyes. You never hesitated to share the good, the bad, and the ugly.
I’ve mentioned so many times how I desperately want to go, and I know it will test me at every step of the way.
When I go one day, if you think you want to visit again….let me know!
Thanks Heather, glad I shared it all and gave you insight on to how it might be when you go. I hope you do go one day… it seriously is an amazing country with a lot to do and see, but like you said it will TEST you every step of the way. I’ll let ya know if when you go I wanna go again… I think it may be to soon…lol!!!
This is the kind of travel blogging I like: raw and sincere! There are too many “beautiful” posts out there, but not so many that come from the gut!
“You see it was after that crazy train trip that I realized that India doesn’t give a fuck about what you feel, think or don’t understand. India is one crazy bitch and she is who she is and either you adjust and enjoy the adventure or you are going to hate it” – there is such a ridiculous number of people in India… People almost become numbers sometimes, not individuals.
Traveling around India can get quite intense indeed.. But as you say, it’s when you look back to those moments that might not even been your favorite, that you grasp the “beauty” or interest of what you saw or went through. Sometimes when you go through a situation you dislike you might be thinking “fuck it” on the spot but later realize “yeah, I made it!”.. And isn’t it what traveling is all about? It’s not just about seeing pretty things and meeting people who remotetly think alike.. It’s about getting out of your confort zone and learning a lot, and YOU did just that!
Zara @ Backpack ME recently posted..A Chiloean Cottage
Thanks Zara so much for the kind comment. If you are looking for raw and sincere you have found the right blog. I post what I think… the good the bad… the ugly… the pretty… and all 100% honest.
I know what you mean it about people becoming numbers because of the amount of people that live in India. I forgot to mention and I was… that part of the reason I think it’s so crazy is because it literally is 1 BILLION PEOPLE trying to survive. Of course it’s going to be crazy… and yup it’s those crazy moments that you look back on and realize oh wait that is India and until you understand that you can’t enjoy them. We must get oout of our comfort zone to really experience a place… that’s when you know you are in a whole different culture.
I’m glad you finally wrote about that horrible train ride, get it out of your system. I still don’t think I could handle going to India, but I so enjoyed reading about it on your site and Val’s. I’m glad you were able to appreciate the country for what it is so you don’t have to look back at it and just see a rough 3 months.
Ali recently posted..Heidelberg – Sleeping With the Locals
Ali, I am glad I did too. I couldn’t think of a better way to start my final post on India than to start it with that crazy experience. I am glad I can now laugh about it, but at the time… lord oh lord. I have to be honest with you I think if you did it on a tour you would love it… I am just saying that, because I know you and know that India will repulse you cus of just how dirty it is. I’m glad I am able to appreciate my time in India and don’t feel like it was a waste… honestly it was an amazing 3 months.
Congratulations, what a great way of describing India. I think many feel that way, but we don’t understand why..:)
We traveled in India back in 1998 and always wanted to go back. But with two small children we didn’t want to..not yet.
But this year we will. Not for long, because the experience might be too intense for our kids. We will stay for 10 days after which we will continue our trip to Bangkok (that quiet, clean and easy city) and Thailand for 4 weeks.
We bought our train tickets already…hope we can sit
Emiel
Emiel recently posted..Sweet discoveries: Münster and the Mövenpick hotel
Thanks Emiel, I couldn’t have described it any other way. It’s the truth and nothing but the truth and I think people who have been can agree on it. Gosh I can’t imagine traveling in India in 1998… I am sure it’s changed so much since then. Just the thought of it fascinates me. Glad you are going back even if it’s not for long. I understand how hard it must be to travel with children and then in India. Good luck on that trip… sounds like it’s going to be quite the adventure.
I’ve been to India 7 times and spent about a year there in all. I love it and hate it. Every time I leave, I am literally fighting to get out and have had plane flights canceled, injuries, problems with border patrol, etc. But, once I am gone, I start missing it after a few weeks and am back there before I know it.
Off The Path Travel recently posted..The Hindu Trimurti: Gods Of India
Wow you have been to India a lot. I can imagine why… it has os much to do & see you can never possibly see it all. I believe everything about the problems… crazy the amount of problems we had just trying to buy train tickets. The strange though is like you said once you are gone you miss it.
Yup. Every time we have the chance to travel, end up back in India instead. Just got a flight there for the end of October again! Gotta hit up the Char Dham pilgrimage and Diwali in Haridwar!
If you had told me this before I left India I would have laughed you… hell even I before leaving said “Oh I doubt I’ll ever come back.” Well that strange power India has Alex that well you know about now is strange and makes me wanna go back more & more. It’s just when you are there it’s killer and crazy but once you leave you miss that rush… it’s like a fucking drug… you know it’s bad, but you love it…lol!!!
great post.. i felt every word you said.. i would like to visit India too.. i’m scared even now about what i’m hearing and reading a lot of it.. but i’m still gonna try.. there’s always a good side of everything right..
rdsean recently posted..Bangkok: The City of Angels
Thanks Rdsean & yes you should visit India… it’s a crazy country that will make you feel every emotion possible. You will find the good side of it for sure. If you need any help let me know. I’d be more than happy to help you!!!
Well its a good idea “to try”
Of course… we must try it all!!!
One more friend saying that India is up and down. It seems rare to find a level day in that enormous country. I think that the fact that so many people I know are hit or miss with India is a draw for me. That country intrigues me–and the trains in particular. But then, I have an unnatural capacity for adrenaline.
Chael – Hitchhiking Travel Narrative recently posted..The Search for Johnny Tito
Chael, ahh yes a good way to put it… it is a rare to find a level day in that enormous country. You should give it a go if you get the chance. It is just amazing how it really test you in every way possible. It will make you stronger that is for sure.
Jaime, this is a really moving post. It gives such excellent insight into your thoughts and feelings about India. I’ve honestly never been much interested in visiting India – can’t really put my finger on why. I have to say your posts haven’t made me want to visit the country, but I really appreciate them for their honesty
Thanks Sabina. Yeah I think India is a country you either have a desire to visit or don’t. I’d always been intrigued, but had no clue this is how my 3 months would have been spent. It really is an amazing country and well I am honest, so I shared it all.
This is a great post Jaime and sums up so much of what I hear about India, that she’s a Marmite Country – you either love her or you hate her (or both) – there’s no middle ground or mild opinion about her. I can’t wait to go there and I’m filled with a mixture of sheer excitement and pure dread. Your post here has reinforced both feelings.
You’re right about how other countries aren’t made for us to understand them, either. They’re made for the people who live there. Even now, after three years, Korea still has me scratching my head every now and again, thinking “what the eff?”, but you just have to learn things go and accept them.
Waegook Tom recently posted..The Mission Burrito
WT I think I fit in the BOTH category, but I don’t love her… it’s so fucking strange. I’ve just never felt like this about a country… it’s so strange. I can only imagine how Korea boggles your mind. I’ve been in Egypt for a few months now and still don’t get it either. It’s not for us to understand… we come we see we enjoy or not and move on.
Jaime,
you definitely should join “Capture the colour” contest.
http://www.shorttraveltips.com/capture-the-colour/
As I am sure you have enough colorful pictures from India to enter it.
Ahh thanks Vi, looking at it now. I just might. I have a few good shots from around the world.
I am repelled and attracted by India. It really seems like a hassle but I don’t think I will be able to resist. Sometimes the best things come from those yen/yang type places.
Jonathan Look, Jr. recently posted..Swimming with Whale Sharks
Jonathan I can understand why, but yes the best really does come out of the yen/yang places. India is definitely one of those, but really just makes you grow & see the world differently.
Interesting point of view. I’ve always heard really far out opinions on India. People I talk to seem to either love it or hate it. But the mere fact that it made Cairo (which I find to be wonderfully nuts) seem nuts to you speaks volumes!
Aaron @ Aaron’s Worldwide Adventures recently posted..What the Heck is a “Census-Designated Place?”
I’m surprised you’ve never been there Aaron. Yeah I’ve always heard the same either you will love her or hate her. I think you meant to say I find Cairo to be calm and clean…lol, but yeah seriously compared to any major city in India… Cairo is heaven.
Yes, India is not perfect but then no country is.
I love my country, I love my India
Arti recently posted..Welcome to the Land of the Rising Sun: Japan
That is so true… no country is perfect. I like that. Glad you love your country… it’s an amazing one to love.
Hi Jamie,
Such a great read. My wife and I leaving for a year long trip to India SE Asia and Australia in October. We are flying into India and planning on spending 2-4 months there. I have always been slightly intimidated about traveling there, but cannot wait for the experience. It’s great that you shared your honesty, as too many don’t. Glad you have the ability to look back from those hard experiences and learn/ grow from them. Thanks again,
Tom
Thank you very much Tom, I am glad you enjoy my honesty and are able to get a glimpse at just how crazy India may be. It’s good to hear you will be doing a RTW trip soon with your wife. Our paths may cross as I should be in SEA soon & for a while. In the mean time though let me know if you have any questions or need any help with the planning of your RTW trip. Always happy to help.
Love the way its written… it demonstrates the ups & downs of your trip here. You’re right, we too as Indians are sometimes amazed at how we actually function in the madness that surrounds, but strangely things get done
And you end up loving it just the way it is.
Thanks you very much P/D my time in India was really a roller coaster of emotions. I’m glad to hear though that even yall are amazing at how it actually functions. Your right though strangly things get done and you do end up loving it how it is crazy and all.
Oh Jaime… Thanks for this! Well, I’ve only been 24 hours here in Delhi and I’m already questioning things, cursing others, and getting frustrated with some. India has no filter between what she is and what she wants you to see. I imagine the rest of my time will have similar reactions to the ones you have, so for now, I kinda know what to expect, but at the same time, I know I will still be shocked. ufff….
Norbert recently posted..Prague’s Orloj: When Legends And Astronomy Create A Famous Clock
jaja your welcome, I know how it is Norbert and just wish you the best. It’s like you are going to war…lol. Its a crazy country but everything just works with out any damn filters.
Woah! Finally the comments ended, firstly, great post.man!
Reading about india was like i was reading about the house i lived in for 18 years, yeah! It is a bitch, and sucks, but i can’t help but appreciate the beauty it has within, i have travelled all around it with my friends, parents and alone, the breathtaking mountains to the long endless forests, to the most exotic beaches to the fartest point on top POK border and bottom the kanyakumari to far left of india, and yeah also had an equal chance to travel in the 2nd class compartment that i hate! Sometimes, because of the people and sometimes cause of the mess in there, ah! But it taught me that i can survive the worst, i ever imagined! :p though, i am pretty sure you’re still missin a lot in the travel you had in india, you gonna hate it, but believe me, its worth it! And yeah, one thing helps in india what i learnt in the boy scouts, ALWAYS BE PREPARED!
Have a great life!
Thanks Aman so much, glad this post was able to take you back and remind of your time living in India. What you say is the truth… it’s so crazy and you will hate it, but at the end the beauty of it all just makes it all worth it. After you travel through India though you feel like you can travel the rest of the world, it’s just sometimes the worst and does make you feel amazing once you get to where you are going. Oh India… the more I am away from her the more I wanna go back!
Love this blog! Even though India is dirty and there’s a lot of cows roaming around. I love it!
and people around you love you and it just makes you feel special and happy 
I’ve been to India since I was 3 and now at 17 I want to live there despite the dust and dirty toilets!
Thanks Katie… yes India is so dirty, but so damn interesting. Even though when I left I said I would never be going back… I plan on going again very soon.
I now understand more than ever why people says to me: “DONT go to India as your first country!!”… i guess what they really mean is that i need to develop some tick skin before being ready to go… but i never met someone who actually hate India. Everybody said it was dirty, sometimes dangerous, but beautiful… I just saw pictures and video of course. What i love about them are the colours. They have fantastic colours.
And yes you read my CRAZY train journey in India… I cried…lol. Yes it’s a country that can break you down in a heart beat and lift you up so high it’s insane. I loved it & hated it… now that I have been away for so long I really can’t wait to go back & plan on getting the 5 year visa when I go home…lol. Just to be prepared since I will be living so close to India.
India, quite honestly is a country which is dirty thanks to its people who do not care about their surroundings or give a Fuck about others. You can personify India as a “Bitch who doesn’t care about others…” but that’s just the people by the way, who treat themselves and others like shit. I think Indians are probably the filthiest kind of people on earth. The ’5 yearly ‘Kumbh Mela” is an orgy of people having their shits in the open for ten days or so and then taking the “Holy Dip” in that “sacred” water to cleanse their past sins!! I think they probably get punished for their sins after having a dip in that polluted shit filled water. Plus they also have their lunch, dinner and breakfast in the same place!
I just spoke my mind!
Wow, I wouldn’t go that far Kunal. Thanks for your honest comment though.
Jamie…. India is on our short list of travel destinations… but I think I might see a few other places before I try India on… My friend is going next week to volunteer and he seems so excited and I am excited for him… He might write a guest blog post on my site… Your description of the train ride made me very uncomfortable… but the read was great… Your writing is very good… Something you could make a living at.. George
George recently posted..About Ecuador About Opportunity
Thank you George for the compliment on my writing. India is really an amazing country and even now I think of it so much. I hated it while I was there, but now I know it was just so authentic and it’s so India. Really nothing else like it exist on Earth. It truly is one of a kind that I hope one day you are ready to visit.
Well Jaime,
I am from India & whatever the experiences you have shared with the India is all correct.After reading the post i feel hilarious and little upset too but what to do..? don’t have any option…have to deal with it.
Next time you come to India let me know..we’ll have fun together…
- Shrikant Kale
Glad I got it right SK. India was the hardest country I traveled in and now that I’m gone I miss it so much. It really is an amazing country. If I go back I’ll be sure to let you know.
I agree with a lot of description about India in your post but i’m curious about a few things.
First, why did you choose a village to stay? I notice that foreigners often like to see the “real” India which they believe is in the villages.
But India is not just about villages.
And you could have easily stayed in hotels or even guest houses. Well, yeah that’s India too!
Then, you traveled 2nd class, which is the lowest category of train travel in India. Nobody travels in 2nd class but only the poorest. I guess that’s why the harrowing experience. It just seems to me that you set about to see how the poor live. Well, the poorest even in the developed country live in worse conditions than in India.
Hi Nikita, thank you for your comment. I think you got it all wrong, because even though yes I did the things you mention in your comment that is not all I did. I spent 3 months in India I spent the majority of time visiting major cities and tourist destinations. I stayed in nice hotels and a lot of guesthouses too. I did not seek the poor. I would never visit a country to seek out the poor. Sadly in India the poor is in your face no matter where you go. Unless you are in a very rich part of town you are going to see the poor. I wrote this because it was my experience in India. Yes I hated it and a lot sometimes, but now that time has passed I realize it was so authentic. India is who she is because she doesn’t hide anything from anyone. Even as a tourist you are going to see it all & trust me I saw it all.
when I look at my photos I can’t help, but wanna go back. I only scratched the surface of what she has to offer. I don’t know how to put into words exactly how I feel about India, but know she will always have a place in my heart. I don’t know how she did that, but she worked her way in and because I know I will never love her I will tell her this: THIS IS MY SENTIMENT ALSO! 100% Is n’t it the same way in many wonderful places in this world that are fun to visit?
jim tv recently posted..Madrid, Spain: Exploring the tapas market!
I’m the same way Jim. I look at the photos and am in awe at how raw and beautiful India really is. I know I spent 3 months there, but I too only scratched the surface. She is a crazy one, but one I love dearly and hope one day I can see more of.