As I write this I’m currently on a bus to Porto Alegre, Brazil from Punta Del Diablo, Uruguay. I didn’t think I would make it this far because I thought I’d have problems switching passports at the border to enter Brazil. Sadly though everything went smoothly and I was able to enter Brazil with my Mexican passport. Saved me the hassle of having to apply for the visa and paying $150 for it. I said, “sadly” because part of me wanted them to not let me in & make me go back to apply for a visa in Montevideo with my USA passport. That would have given me an excuse to see the guy I met there again that has me going crazy.
See during my short time in Montevideo I met a guy at a gay club & ended up spending 2 intense nights together. I can’t believe I did what I did. I had gone out Friday night alone and saw him, but didn’t have the nerves to go up to him. He was a bit shorter than me with silver hair and beard, thick eyebrows, nice arms, chest, skinny waste, cute ass and great legs. He was so my type just a bit older than me, but didn’t care. The next night, Saturday I went back to the same club hoping he’d walk in and finally past 4am he did (it’s crazy people don’t go out here until 3am). I was with Norbert from GloboTreks and already had a few drinks in me. I saw him… he saw me, we smiled & couldn’t stop looking at each other. His smile made me feel so many things. I told Norbert, “I must go talk to him”. So I finished my drink & went up to him. I told him, “Hi” he said, “Hi” and I started laughing he said, “what’s going on” I said, “I love your smile & am not leaving here until I kiss you because with a smile like that I must know if you’re a good kisser or not?” He laughed and said “okay let’s find out?” & we kissed. He then said “Soooo?” I couldn’t stop laughing I said ” it was great”. So then we split another beer (they sell them by the liter here) and spent the rest of the night talking until he finally invited me to his place.
Lucky for me he lived only 3 blocks away from my hostel & down the street from the bar… so I agreed. Went back to his place & it was intense. I didn’t leave his house until 2pm & only because he had things to do. We had sex several times and when we weren’t we just talked and looked at each other smiling. Our bodies were so attracted to each other. He made me feel alive inside again. Something I hadn’t felt since I left Cairo. I’ll be honest I’ve hooked up a bit since leaving Cairo & not once had I felt like this since then. I thought I’d never feel this again. A part of me felt guilty because for the first time I felt like I was cheating on him even though we aren’t even together anymore. Before I left his apartment he let me know he had a gift for me. He gave me a copy of a short book he wrote full of poems. In it he wrote a short message and left me his email and number. When I left the apartment he let me know he’d be busy all day & couldn’t see me until Monday night. I said, “okay that’s fine because I leave Tuesday”. I told him to message me because I wouldn’t. He laughed and he said “You will message me & it’s okay if you do.”. I did message him…lol.
Translation of poem:
You & I so similar and different.
One day the cord will end;
the dust of the chalk will write the last word
and the fear of not knowing who you are.
I left and spent the rest of Sunday doing nothing and resting. Well I did read his book of short poems in less than 30 minutes. Seriously though I can’t handle these late nights like I used to when I was younger. My mind was going a million miles an hour with all sorts of things crossing it. I wanted to message him so bad, but didn’t. I knew he’d be busy anyway. The next day Norbert and I rented bikes and rode them over 45kms down the Rambla (an avenue that runs along the entire coast of the city). I had told myself that I’d message him after I was done with that. When I got back to the hostel I messaged him. Short but sweet message. I was dying. Hours had passed and nothing. I finally told myself I had to call him. I was leaving the next afternoon & wanted to see him one more time. So I did after I controlled my nerves. The phone was ringing & I was nervous, he answered. I said hi and he asked who this was I said, “Jaime” and he sounded happy to hear from me. I asked if he could talk and he said, “yes”. We had small talk and I finally asked if we were gonna see each other & he said, “yes” he could see me later tonight after midnight because he was free after then. I said, “okay” and to just message me and we will go from there. The call lasted 1 minute & 41 seconds. I saw the timer when I hung up… lol. I had hours to kill. I couldn’t handle it. It was already past midnight and nothing finally shortly after 1am he messaged me that he’d meet me on the cross street of Paraguay & Sabiano (right next to my hostel).
We met up and both of us couldn’t stop smiling. As we were walking to his apartment he let me know he almost didn’t meet up with me and that he wasn’t going to reply to my message, but after I called he would have felt like an ass if he hadn’t. I asked why and he said “Jaime you know this isn’t going to end well for either of us.” We made it to his apartment. He took off his jeans and walked to the balcony. I asked, “should I take off mine?” He said, “If you wish. It’s a bit hot out here”. So I did too. He asked if I drank wine and I let him know not really, but wouldn’t turn down a glass of wine with him. We sat in the balcony and had our glass of wine. We small talked and then he said “Jaime tonight we are not going have sex.” I looked at him like what? He said,
“Jaime you’re amazing, you’re beautiful, you’re smile is perfect, you’re laugh is unique, you’re so honest, something you don’t find in most people anymore, I like you a lot and my body is very attracted to yours too. I’m a very sensitive guy with a lot of responsibilities. I can’t afford to be hurt after you leave to continue your travels.”
I apologized and said I understood and then we just starred at each other. He then reached over and we kissed passionately for a while. We finished our glass of wine and then I asked him if we could go to his room & just let things happen. So we did. We both got naked and just starred at each other. We were devouring each other with just our looks. He laid on the bed and I laid on top of him. We looked at each other and he said,
“Jaime you have to leave this is too much. Get dressed I’ll walk you to your hostel.”
I said, “no I’m not leaving lets just let things be and enjoy our last night together. We don’t have to have sex.” We laid there continued talking and just enjoyed each other’s company. He then started touching me and kissing every inch of my body. I did the same to him. Then we just laid there talking and fighting the urge to sleep. Eventually we passed out and the next morning woke up ended up having sex for the last time and said our goodbyes.
I went back to the hostel and wanted to cry. I couldn’t believe I felt this hurt from saying goodbye to a guy I had only met two times. I was also cursing the life I live. Life on the road is a life of goodbyes. …. I took a shower and then at noon Norbert & I left to get to Cabo Polonio. That turned out to be quite the adventure.
Since then we messaged each other a few times and it was bittersweet and brutally honest about the life I’m living. One day I’ll write about that because it’s things I myself have said about the life I’m living too. And it’s hard to hear from someone else. After I crossed the border to Brasil I messaged him and let him know for sure I wouldn’t be returning to Montevideo. We said our final goodbyes in beautiful messages to each other and that was that.
To be honest it was best I didn’t return for both our sakes. If it wasn’t then it would have been another day that I left and it would have been harder later. We honestly don’t know anything about each other… like at all beside the bit of info we shared. I could not risk falling for this guy knowing damn while I’m still in love with someone else. I know that’s dramatic, but seriously something happened and our bodies clicked and it was intense. So intense in fact we were both scared and that’s why both were closed off out of fear of falling.
As usual it’s now a memory and just another difficult goodbye I had to go through on the road. For now I’m just gonna carry on with my plans finish South America, Europe, Asia and then return to Cairo.
The above I wrote all on a single bus ride and I almost didn’t publish this. If you have noticed I have not written a post in my XXX section in a very long time. I don’t know just haven’t felt the need to share that part of my travels anymore. Mostly because I don’t know if he reads my blog and I don’t want him reading these these things. This story though I wanted to share because it was something that affected me in it’s own special way. It has now been over 2 months since this all happened and I can say now it was an amazing encounter, but that was it. I don’t think about him at all and am fine. I do think if it would have lasted longer it would have been harder, but it was perfect just like it was.
I am here now and well the person I still can not stop thinking about everyday is the amazing man I said goodbye to over 2 years ago in Cairo, Egypt. Each day that passes I know I’m a day closer to seeing him again. I have no clue what will happen the day I return to Cairo, but I have to go back and see. Ahhhh I’m crazy I know.