It was Wednesday night when I made the spontaneous purchase of a one-way ticket to Costa Rica for March 1st. The only thing that I made sure of before making the purchase was that I would be able to budget enough for leaving 5 months earlier to do Central America and still have enough for my original plans. In the end it was a HUGE CHANGE OF PLANS. Now that I have had time to analyze my decision even though I have no clue what to do in Central America and have yet to do any research I know I did the right thing.
I am so excited that I took the plunge moved my date forward and am on my way to live my dream and see the world. I however for some reason have a million emotions running through my mind. Yes I have been talking about doing this for quite some time but now its time to walk that talk. This after all is something I want to do, but to be honest I’m fucking scared.
I know what everyone is going to tell me “Jaime there is no need to be scared” and yes I know I shouldn’t but I am. This will be my first time for so many things. I have never flown internationally, I have never gone backpacking, I have never stayed in a hostel, I have never been away from home more than maybe 2 weeks. I can really go on and on about how this is going to be my first for a lot of things and those aren’t the things that scare me.
- I am scared of being lonely.
- I am scared of it not working out.
- I am scared of what can go wrong.
- I am scared of the unknown.
I know anything that could happen to me abroad could happen to me in at home. I’m also scared that I’m going to be arriving in new cities that I know nothing of and have to make my way through them all. I also scared at the thought of crossing borders, I’m not sure why but I am. I have even thought of buying a guidebook, not that it is going to protect me but for some reason I think it will put my mind at ease. I know I will not be the first backpacker to backpack through Central America or the last so I know it is possible. I just have to stop thinking of the negative and look at the positive.
When I look at the positive my heart races and my emotions run high. I get so excited it’s crazy. I imagine myself making my way through unknown streets and markets talking to the locals and meeting new people. I also think of the many beaches and small towns I will be visiting where I will be spending countless hours lounging around. I also picture myself exploring the jungles and ruins all over Central America. So many things can go right that the positive outweighs the negative by a long run.
I guess I wouldn’t be human if I wasn’t scared. I have gone through so many other things in my life that have been harder then what this may be. I have gotten rid of so many things already and am about to sell my car and quit my job to actually travel the world. It’s something so many people dream of doing but don’t actually do it. I’m so scared & excited its crazy. I don’t know exactly how to describe those feelings. It may just be me being paranoid but it’s how I feel at the moment.
What I do know is that if I don’t take a risk, take a chance, make a change & breakaway I will regret it forever. So I am going to give fear the finger and do it, but I have to get through the next 58 days first.
How did you feel before leaving on your big trip or if you are planning one how do you feel right now about it?