400 days into my “BREAKAWAY” & ummm yeah I’m LOST in life.

It’s about 1am and I can’t sleep. I’m currently writing this in my bedroom at my host mother’s house. I am in Setrawa Village in the middle of the desert in India. It’s a tiny town with a population of (about) 3000 & where animals (cows, goats, peacocks, etc…) roam the desert sand streets freely.  I’m here volunteering & well I will tell you more about that later. That is not what this post is about.

Look at the ticker on the right… it’s been 400 days since I left home. Wow… just wow, that is a long time & to tell you the truth I don’t even know if I ever wanna go home. I know I mentioned I couldn’t do this forever-on day 300, but the truth is maybe I could… I mean I really love this. Okay wait a minute let me start over again because that is not even what I want to talk about either.

The truth is the title to this post was going to be “400 days into my “BREAKAWAY” & this is what is in my backpack.” I know boring, but after my 1 year post I got several email’s from people wanting to know what was in my backpack after a year on the road & well I have the photos edited and a post semi ready to post, but lately I have had something else on my mind. I told myself I didn’t want to write a long thoughtful post for my 400 days because I had just written a long ass post for my one year on the road and if well you do the math that is at 366 days (thanks to leap year)  and well 400 is only 34 days later. So here I go this is what has been on my mind lately & I will try and keep it short.


Yup “I am… lost in life”. I wrote this during one of my classes in Setrawa as the kids were taking a test. So yes I feel so fucking lost in life. I know what you are thinking… Huh? How? What? But you are happy? Yes I am so happy with life… and how everything is going in my life, but I feel more lost than I think I have ever felt in my life. Even more so than when I got arrested for drinking & driving. The thing is for some reason like most human beings I can’t stop thinking about the future. Thinking about the future will do this to you… sometimes I wish we couldn’t think but a day or two ahead, but sadly we can think a year or even a decade ahead & it does more harm sometimes than good. I doubt this post will even make sense, but I am going to go on with my thoughts so please bare with me. Oh & no I am not drunk… I actually haven’t had much beer so far this year… I plan on making up for that once I get to South East Asia (if I ever get there).

Okay back to my post, so yes I am lost and the reason why is because I have no clue what I want to do with my life (Does anyone?). I thought I used to know what I wanted to do, but now I don’t know. You see this thing called LOVE happened and the truth is it has changed everything. Right now I am in India and will be for 2 more months before going back to Egypt for who knows how long. See when I set off on this trip… I joked and joked with everyone about maybe finding my prince charming (you know that Eat, Pray, Love shit) & well now I have found him… and a part of me has no clue what to do now.

You see a part of me wants to stay there with him in Cairo, but then a part of me knows I don’t want to stay in Cairo. A part of me knows I want to finish the rest of this trip go home and save for the many other adventures I want to do in my life. I want to live and work in Australia for a year. I want to backpack around South America for a year. I want to go from Cape Town to Cairo overland. This trip has given me a taste of freedom and I love it.  It has also made me realize how strong I really am and that if I set my mind to it I can make anything happen.

I know I should live in the “present”. I know I should just wait until I get back to Egypt to see how things are/go. I know he tells me to stop thinking about everything. I know he tells me their is nothing we can’t overcome together. I know he reads my blog. I know he hates my blog (because I am too personal and some things shouldn’t be shared… I understand, but this is my baby too and love it just as much). I know he loves me. I know I love him.

What I don’t know is what I want to do with my life and I can’t help thinking about it.

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  1. Jamie benitez says:

    Dear fool in love =),

    Everything you have said makes total sense to anyone who has ever loved another. You’re a smart kid so, you probably know the answer to your own questions. The problem is there is never a right answer when love is involved. You have seen things and experienced the world in a way that many can only dream about. You made the decision to leave the norm and live the unknown. It makes no sense that one person and those feelings you have can change so much in life. Right? Your living……love is life…without it we would be lost and, that explains your feeling of being lost. I have experienced love and lost love but, never what ifs when it comes to love. I can’t look back and say…what if I would have said how I felt or did what I felt. Being a passionate person its not hard to say how you feel and, that can be good or bad lol. Follow your heart and passion. Whether it be Cairo or to continue your travels. Whatever you decide do what YOU want.

    • Jaime Davila says:

      Awww love that you called me “fool in love” jaja cus that is what I am right now. I am glad everything made sense. I re-read it a few times and seriously had no clue. What you are saying makes complete sense, I guess in my case though I am going to have 2 “What ifs?” What if I had stayed? What if I hadn’t stayed? I will in the end though follow my heart. I have been following all along & it hasn’t lead me to anything crazy. Well aside from this huge trip…lol!!!

  2. Jaime – chill the fuck out and start breathing into a brown paper bag before you pass out on us! 😉

    Seems to me like you’re going through what I call ” a traveller’s freak out”. This is where (and I think Tim Ferris talks about it in his book “the 4 hour work week”) where u have much less routine like you would in your domestic life back home so your brain starts to play tricks on you with all its spare time, resulting in you questioning EVERYTHING!

    Tell your head to politely stfu and listen to your heart (excuse the cheezy cliche song quote). Ask it what you would regret the most if you didn’t do it/them and start chasing those things.

    In terms of what you want to do with your life, the best advice I was given was from a friends Dad who said “Do what you love so well that people will pay you to do it”.

    A more practical option to this might be looking on sites like odesk to get online work that can keep the funds coming in while you travel – as long as you have access to the net!

    Anyway bro, hope that helps a little!

    Ake Ake Kia Kaha “Forever and Ever Be Strong”
    Ash at The Most Alive recently posted..Meteora, Greece: A Hard Act to Follow…

    • Jaime Davila says:

      Thanks Ash, I needed someone to talk to me like this. I mean it too. I mean you are right… when you have to much free time you do start QUESTIONING EVERYTHING and well that is what I have been doing. I will tell my head to STFU and listen to my heart. Thanks for the kind words… I need to hear them.

  3. Jaime, I love you. You are so candid and forthcoming in your blog. I can totally relate to what you’re saying about feeling lost. About not knowing what you want to do in life. I can’t imagine being torn between the love of travel and the love of your life. You’ll figure it all out though. India is a magical place. All things happen for a reason, I have learned this from my own trip. People enter your life for a purpose that may not be evident at the time. But all meetings, big or small, will hold a significance within the grand scheme of things.

    Miss you a ton. Keep strong! 81 Days and you surpass my trip.

    *hugs and kisses*
    Corey W. recently posted..Landing in “Bali”–AKA Sydney

    • Jaime Davila says:

      Thanks Corey, yes being torn between the love of travel and the love of my life is something I didn’t think would happen. It’s something I wanted… and now is and well now I am lost. I need to calm down though because I still have a while before I go back to Egypt and then I will be there a while before having to decide. You know me and my dramatic self…lol!!! Oh & feeling lost sucks… sorry we are in the same boat. How is being back at home feel? OMG I can’t even begin to imagine. Just the thought of it scares me.

  4. Aww Jaimito, I wish I was there to give you a huge hug. I think what your going through is common. I think currently you are living your life “in transit” (like you talk about in one of your blogs), and I say in transit because basically you are “in transit” to whatever your future is. God has you exactly where He wants you, and it is for some big purpose. You don’t know yet, but soon you will have an ‘aha!’ moment and realize this is “my” purpose. However, in the process you must be extremely patient and just let things fall into place. Trust me, they will…like puzzle pieces fitting perfectly together. As for love, what can I tell you…just don’t let anyone keep you from submerging yourself into your dreams and making them become reality. I mean, if you love him, by all means be with him, but take him along with you on your adventure. Or go back and see him, work there a bit, save more money and continue your travels. You have a long life ahead of you and the best is yet to come, so don’t stress too much and continue to enjoy it one day at a time. There is plenty of time for travel and for love. And you can do it all! Good luck sweetie! God bless you and I look forward to seeing your beautiful face in person one day soon! Te adoro! XOXO!

    • Jaime Davila says:

      Awww Rubi, I could so use a hug from a friend right now. I miss you! You are right God does have me right where he wants me and don’t know why yet and well won’t know until the end of this amazing journey I am on (my life). I thought I had my “AHA” moment already and knew this was it, but now I don’t know so it just changed things. I’m going to wait & see what happens when I get back to Egypt & take it from there. I need to stop thinking about it because it’s going to just kill me…lol!!! I love ya & miss ya & hope to see you soon too. xoxo

  5. The good thing about having time on the road to think is that, perhaps for the first time in a long time, we have time to think creatively and dream and ponder things we haven’t in a while. The downside? Thinking too much about all of the possibilities that are before us.

    Falling in love does change things! What I wanted when I returned from Oz and throughout the summer has changed somewhat now that I met my partner and we’re getting married this year (and again next year). And though we know we love each other and will spend the rest of our lives together, the rest is one big mystery…where we’ll live, how we’ll earn enough money to live on, how we’ll be able to keep traveling, and so on. Thank goodness my year in Oz helped me learn somewhat to live in the present, but man, that doesn’t keep those lost moments from coming.

    Sit with this feeling for a bit longer if you can — it’s natural — and then take some action steps forward and see what happens. *HUG*!!!!!!

    • Jaime Davila says:

      Heather yes the downside “thinking too much about all of the possibilities that are before us”. When you leave to live in Aus for a year or travel the world for a year… you can’t help but think about everything you have ever dreamed of IS POSSIBLE so it fucks with your head, because the truth is YOU CAN DO IT. So it’s a curse. I then read about and hear about your LOVE story and others and it makes me so happy & makes me realize it is possible too, but in reality it is a bit more difficult than just planning another trip. Now you are taking into consideration the feelins of someone else and it changes everything. I’m so happy for you and excited for the wedding. Ahh it’s going to be amazing. As for me… well we’ll see what happens. Oh & I guess no matter where we are in life we are going to have our “LOST” moments.

  6. Travelling is all about the moment, which is what makes it so hard sometimes, I think. A traveller is investing in the present, not the future. But you know exactly where you are and why (because you love it) so are a lot less lost than most!

    I am heading out to live in Thailand soon, and can’t wait to leave me ‘future-looking’ life behind.

    Great post, I look forward to reading more of your blog.

    • Jaime Davila says:

      Sophie, ah your comment is like an oxymoron that is not one. Does that make sense? I am traveling the world because I know its what I want to do and makes me happy so true I am a lot less lost then most, but now I’m dealing with this (that is not a bad thing) and am so damn lost! Good luck with your move to Thailand… I should be there soon (or not). If I do end up going to Thailand we should meet up.

      • For sure. I’m so looking forward to the openness and adventure of travel – getting lost sounds pretty good to me right now!

        • Jaime Davila says:

          Ja you will love it all until you are lost… trust me it’s not fun. Your head just keeps spinning thought after thought…a fter thought up there and you have no control over it.

          • I guess I’m thinking more Lucy in Narnia lost than uncontrollable thought meandering 🙂 Very much look forawrd to reading more on your travels. Good luck!

          • Jaime Davila says:

            I haven’t read Lucy in Narnia… thanks for following along & well you know my thoughts will be in many more post.

  7. I think we expect travel to make our future clearer and instead it makes the future less clear because it shows us the endless possibilities in life. I know it is hard to live in the moment but try as hard as you can. It’s where the magic is and is the only thing that really exists.
    Kim recently posted..Seven weeks until departure: Rain, reactions, and talismans

    • Jaime Davila says:

      Kim… KIM… OMG KIM… WELL SAID “I think we expect travel to make our future clearer and instead it makes the future less clear because it shows us the endless possibilities in life.” <<--I couldn't have said that better. It's so true & yeah it's hard to live in the moment sometimes, but I must try. We'll see what happens.

  8. Wait until you get back to Cairo to see how the love thing goes. All the best.

  9. That’s partially what this adventure is about – finding yourself – right? So, you’re right on track. Embrace the feelings.
    Kent @ No Vacation Required recently posted..The Naked Truth

    • Jaime Davila says:

      Ugh sometimes I hate y’all with how y’all always manage to give me some of the best advice with so few words. Y’all are right I am on the right track & should just embrace the feelings.

      • Yes! The feelings you are having now confirm that you are, in fact, making progress towards determining exactly what your “best life” looks like. Congratulations! Next time we see you, the wine is on us 🙂
        Kent @ No Vacation Required recently posted..The Naked Truth

        • Jaime Davila says:

          Hmmm good words again. I will just go with what y’all say cus I know y’all know what y’all are tlaking about lol!!! Oh & yes the wine is on you… lets just make sure it’s not cheap wine & well that we have a place to drink it. If not a bank steps will do.

  10. I love you Jaime! I love how open and honest you are on your blog. I love how I feel like you’re having a conversation with me/us when I read stuff like this. I’m sorry if your man hates your blog b/c you reveal too much, but good for you for staying true to yourself since the blog is so important to you. At the end of the day, you have to be true to yourself in so many ways besides the blog. Love is wonderful and important, but you also have to fulfill your own dreams. You still want to make it to SE Asia. You still want to travel to so many other parts of the world you haven’t made it to yet. I don’t want you to look back and regret not doing the things that are important to you. I really hope things work out with you and your man in Cairo, but take care of you first. One of many reasons why I still took my RTW even though Andy and I just got married a few months earlier, b/c it was important to me and I didn’t want to regret not doing it later. A big trip like this is bound to change you and make you think, and you still have a ways to go. Like Kent said, embrace it. Keep up the great blog, and keep being YOU!
    Ali recently posted..Melbourne in 10 Days – How Much I Spent

    • Jaime Davila says:

      Ali, you know I will always be myself on my blog, no matter what or who anybody thinks about it (well except my parents ever found out…lol jk I would still be me, but shunned from the family). I know some people may not like it, but oh well. I am also glad I am able to write the way I do and am able to be so honest and open. Sometimes it’s hard especially when I am sharing things like this, but in the end it’s how I am feeling and what’s going through my mind so why not share it. I know most of the time I won’t be the only person with these feelings. I love everything you are telling… and thank you for being so honest with me in saying what most people aren’t. I guess I need to just wait and see what happens when I get back and take it from there. I know I still have so much of the world I want to see. I wish I could just bring him along with me. Ahhh if it was that easy…lol!!!

  11. Enjoy these moments — even times of uncertainty and confusion are important to cherish. Because when life starts to seem too certain, it gets rather boring. Enjoy the freedom the unknown affords you while you can still afford freedom 😉
    The Time-Crunched Traveler (Ellen) recently posted..3 reasons we’re looking forward to spring in New England: A photo essay

  12. I am SO happy that you found someone – I always knew that you would 😉 And I can totally understand where you are coming from about being scared; I feel the same way and my trip has only just begun! I actually started panicking about running out of money the other day and having to go home, but I think mainly the anxiety of it comes from the person I’m travelling with and us not wanting to leave each other again, just as much as the love of travel itself. I think that is what makes me want to keep doing it as long as I can – not just to see the world, but to make sure we don’t have to leave each other.
    Julia recently posted..I Can’t Feel My Toes (AKA The Great Otago No-Show)

    • Jaime Davila says:

      Thanks Julia, it’s so amazing that you found your other half and he too is wanting the same thing you want in life. That makes it so much easier, even though I know it’s not that easy. As for feeling lost already… just wait till your months in and then your old life is really a memory. Yeah thats when it get scarier…lol!!! Oh & as for the money… don’t worry about it yet, but just manage it carefully.

  13. relax man… no need to worry much about the future 😉

  14. So much can happen in just 100 days, enjoy the ride and you’ll know what to do when it’s time.
    Ayngelina recently posted..The whole pig and nothing but the pig

    • Jaime Davila says:

      Ahh Ayngelina so damn true… so much could happen in 100 days and now I know that. I’ll stop worrying because it’s true I will know just what to do when it’s time.

  15. well.i think your man doesn’t hate your blog that much!he told you before he just feels jealous cuz sometimes it seems like your blog is more important than him!

  16. You’ve done extremely well for yourself so far. One can only think of all the amazing things you’ll do in the future. We’re wishing you the best.

  17. I’m definitely going through something similar (I’m calling it my third quarter-life crisis) where I’m very happy with my lifestyle, but am extremely worried about the future. On one hand I’d like to continue a nomadic lifestyle but on the other, I’d like something more stable and has less risk. I’ve spent (and will probably spend) many sleepless nights over this subject, but I think that in the end, there’s not much you can do but to trust your gut and go for it. Just make sure that your reasoning is sound. I’d use the two months you have in India to reassess what you’re looking for and whether you are going to achieve that in Cairo. (Though this is always much harder when a boy is involved 😉 ) Best of luck!
    Erica recently posted..Okinawa, Where Less is More

    • Jaime Davila says:

      Ahh Erica, you nailed it “here’s not much you can do but to trust your gut and go for it” so damn true. It’s worked for us so many times before why wouldn’t it work for us now when we need it? Oh & yes when a BOY is involved it makes everything so much harder… like very much harder. I’m sure I’ll figure things out. At least I hope so! As for you I hope you figure things out too… I know how all these feelings go & come and well they are scary as hell.

  18. Ahh, having a relationship whilst travelling…there’s nothing concrete to say on the subject. It depends on the individuals. Some can make it work. Some can’t. The key is communication, but there’s no prescribed dosage.

    You’re young. I’m young, too. We all have these moments. I had a mini panic-attack the other day thinking, “I’m in my mid-twenties, have no idea what I’m really doing and really need to start getting stuff sorted for my future.” Then, I just thought whatever will be, will be. I’ll work hard. I’ll travel. I’ll love, laugh, cry, pull my hair out and then lament that I’m 25 and it’s already starting to go grey.

    My point is – follow your heart. It’ll lead you to the right place, even if there are some bumps or unexpected twists along the way.
    Waegook Tom recently posted..Cute Ddeok

    • Jaime Davila says:

      Thanks WT for the great comment you are right we are both young and what will be will be. I guess we shouldn’t freak out, but hell we are growing up and well shouldn’t we know what we want to do with our lives??? In the end I know I will follow my heart and I know it will lead to the right place.

  19. You know, Katie hit it right on the head with her comment. You think that travel will make things clearer but in fact it gives you a taste for what you COULD be doing if money was no object and that freedom you speak of is incredibly addicting! I have a bit of that too, but I’ve molded my life into a freelance one that allows me a certain degree of freedom. I was mentioning how much that freedom was worth to me to a CouchSurfing host recently and he replied, “You know you’re never going to be able to get a regular job, right?”

    At the end of the day, you’re young. You have your whole life ahead of you to do whatever you do or do not want with it. Planning is great and all, but it can definitely muddle things. Follow your heart and trust your gut. Who knows where it will take you. And if you’re happy with the end result…does it really matter if you didn’t accomplish everything you wanted to?
    Aaron @ Aaron’s Worldwide Adventures recently posted..The Travesty That Was Christmas Eve in Bethlehem: Part I (The Good)

    • Jaime Davila says:

      Ahh I know Aaron travel really fucks things up more than they help. I mean really I am not being sarcastic or dramatic. You have this endless amount of REAL freedom & you fall in love with it. So then when anything comes along that may jeopardize that… well you freak out and don’t know how to react. At the end of the day yes I am young and well do have my whole life ahead of me to do whatever it is I want to do. So for now I’ll stop worrying and see what happens. As long as I am happy that is all that matters.

  20. hey, firstly- i like your blog. thanks so much for sharing your trip + experiences with the world!

    secondly, i can relate to your feeling about feeling clueless and lost even though you are having the time of your life. so i’m not going to give you some stupid advice on how to live in the moment ect.

    i felt like you do when i was your age. i was away for uni in england and had the BEST time ever. i had so much fun it hurt! but sometimes i would get these small panic attacks. “what am i going to do next year, what should i do with my life?”

    the solution (looking back, i’ve realized this) is to just go with the flow. do what you feel is right, but also: be open for new shit! that’s worked for me 🙂
    luuworld recently posted..ベルベットイースター / Velvet easter

    • Jaime Davila says:

      Hi LuuWorld glad you like my blog and I am sorry you can relate to me…lol!!! Ahh feeling lost is a nightmare and I know its one we bring upon ourselves. I know I should do what you are saying and go with the flow… but ah it’s so hard to do so. I know in the end I will do what is right… so I’ll see what happens. Oh & I’ll be sure to be open to new shit…lol. I know it works out for most of us!!!

  21. oye cabrona, sabes lo que tienes? Una enfermedad de que ni los mejores dotores del mundo pueden aliviarte. Tienes miedo.

    quit being a pussy.

    love you un chingón.

    • Jaime Davila says:

      I know I know… tengo mucho miedo… but I can’t help it. I will quit being a pussy and deal with life as it comes. I love you un chingon tambien!!!

  22. Love love love this post! I think that’s what most long-term travelers feel like, and Jess and I are sharing many of your feelings. We have no idea what the future holds for us – we only know that we don’t want to work in an office again, but also that we don’t want to be nomads for the rest of our lives. But where will we be in 5 or 10 years, and what will be doing? No clue! I am happy for you though that you found your ‘Prince Charming’ and that you’ll see him again 🙂 Enjoy the moment and just see where your trip takes you.. XO
    Dani | Globetrottergirls recently posted..Please don’t go to…Muang Ngoi Neua | Laos

    • Jaime Davila says:

      Ahh so glad I am not alone Dani, seriously this is a long-term travelers worst nightmare. Even though we know we shouldn’t be thinking about it we can’t help it. Once you get this freedom you can’t help but think of a millions things that you can do with your life. For now all I know is that yes I will see my Prince Charming again and well we’ll see what happens when I do and where things go from there! I will enjoy the moments and see where these moments take me.

  23. I’m usually a silent reader, but this time I felt like I had to comment.
    First of all, I like your blog, I read it because of your honesty, it’s refreshing!

    Now, on to the reason of my commenting, I’m afraid it won’t be very coherent, but here it goes:

    I know the feeling of being lost – I think that it’s a generation thing and many people are able to relate.
    But I also know how difficult it is to choose between yourself and your love. I’ve lived with mine, for over a year in his country. Now, it’s been almost a year since I had to make that choice…. going back home or stay with him.

    It wasn’t an easy choice, I have questioned everything since then… the feeling lost part isn’t going away, I just try to take one step at a time, setting little goals, live in the now as much as possible and I try not to dwell on the past and on what could have been.
    The thing is, if I’d stayed, I’d be in the same condition… there wasn’t a good or a bad choice. I’ve broken his heart and mine at the same time, but if I’d stayed I wouldn’t be happy either.

    I made my choice considering that I could live in his world, but he couldn’t live in my world. And although I loved his world (I’ve lived in it for 5 years) it wasn’t enough for me.

    A lot of people don’t understand why, especially not him, but living in a third-world country is not the same as traveling in it, making money in a third-world country is not the same as in a first-world country, and it’s not only about material stuff, it’s also for example about being able to buy a flight to go home and visit your family)

    From my experience I can tell you that having a different background can be very difficult. Your love is still very new, but as it grows, the differences become more clear. And I think it’s in that moment that you’ll find out if your love can conquer all or not.
    In my case, it wasn’t strong enough, I left him, and he let me go.
    But it can work. I have a friend who is russian and she married a belgian guy. I can tell you it’s not easy. She moved to Belgium, she didn’t speak the language, her law-degree wasn’t worth a thing, she has no job, she can’t drive a car, and has to rely on him for everything…

    The thing about an international relationship is that, except if you move to a place that is new for the both of you, one has to adjust to the other: one gains everything and the other only has his love…

    My advice: only time will tell you what to do. Try not to break your head over it. Deep in my heart, I knew from the start that my relationship would come to an end (although I didn’t want to believe it),
    but I did enjoy every moment of it, I felt moments of true happiness and of belonging, and I would do it all over again… just don’t have any regrets!

    • Jaime Davila says:

      Juana, nice to meet you! I love when a silent reader pops in and comments. I read this entire comment and will reply to it in full when I get a chance. I love everything about it & want to make sure I reply in full with what I think about it. I hate the internet situation in India. It is a pain in the ass & hard to find.

    • Jaime Davila says:

      1st off thank you so much for the comment, I am glad you like my blog. I loved your comment and find it interesting to hear from someone who has been in a similar situation. I like what you mention about feeling lost is a generation thing, I never thought of it like that, but that makes sense. It is very difficult to choose between someone you love and yourself. I don’t have to deal with it yet, but know I will when the time I am spending in Egypt is done. I know then is when I will have to choose and the truth is right now that is why I am lost. I know everyone tells me to not think about it, but I can’t help it. I know I am going to have to choose and the truth is I have no clue what I want to do. A part of me has always wanted to find my prince charming some one who will treat me the way he treats me and I love it, but now that I have experienced this freedom it’s going to be hard to choose. The truth is I don’t know if I am ready to settle down. Had this happened before this trip I would have in a heart beat. So we’ll just have to wait and see what happens.

      What you say is true though about dating someone from a third-world country is not the same as traveling in it. I have searched for jobs in Cairo and yeah it would not be easy to make a living. Not only that the customs & traditions are so very different then that of the US. The way I see things is way different then he will ever see things. I know we have had our moments where we don’t understand each other for that reason and it’s a learn in process type of thing. Also you are right about me having to live in his world & him not in mine because that is basically the only way it would work out. So that leaves it all on my shoulders to choose & that is why it is hard.

      Thanks again for all the advice. I am sorry to hear that yours didn’t work out, but thank you thank you so much for sharing it with me because I was able to see it from a point of view from some one who has been in my situation. Only time will tell so for now just going to try not to think about it. I hope you reply. I would love to hear more of your thoughts on what I had to say.

  24. Awww, Jaime! How did I manage to miss this post?! It made me feel so sad and want to give you a big cuddle!

    Finding love on the road can suck sometimes and I understand the dilemma you face. I am leaving SE Asia in May because my boyfriend wants to go to Europe for 6 months. I don’t really like Europe, I’ve seen all I want to there and I wouldn’t choose to travel there if I was single. But I’m going anyway because I want to be with him and because it’s only for 6 months. Part of me wonders if I’m giving up my travel dreams for a boy when I’ve always said I wouldn’t change my plans for a guy, but the other part of me is so happy right now and I don’t want it to end! It will break my heart to leave South-East Asia and I worry that I’ll grow to regret it, but it would break my heart to stay here and say goodbye to my man 🙂

    Go to Egypt and make things work with your studmuffin, lots of time to travel still, it’s not like you’re 70 years old! 🙂
    Lauren recently posted..Tsunami 2012: I Thought I Was Going To Die

    • Jaime Davila says:

      Aww I knew y’all were dating but didn’t know it was that serious. I am happy for y’all. I know it is very hard when things like LOVE come up and change plans or what one thinks about something. The only thing I could say is at least you will still be doing what you love… TRAVELING. If I stay I will be staying in Egypt for a very long time or forever and well even though that is not a bad thing… Umm so much of the world I want to see. So yeah I am still lost and don’t know whats going to happen but the truth like you said at the end of the day it may end me thinking about regrets and what nots, so who knows. I’ll just take it one day at a time and see how things go when I get back in Egypt.

  25. I’m glad you like my answer. Most of my friends don’t even know my story, but I like sharing it with you.

    I’ll try giving you a bit more pragmatic advice – I’m sure you’ve thought about these things already, but here it goes:

    One of your first questions is: can you stay in Egypt? Even if you don’t know what you want right now, it’s possible that the government has already made the decision in your place…It’s good to know what you can choose. It will comfort you if you know now that if you decide to stay, you can do it…

    So what are the Visa-requirements to stay in Egypt?
    A tourist visa is the easiest. I’m guessing a tourist visa is for 90 days? Can your prolong it? How much do you have to pay for this? Or can you get a new tourist visa spending a night in another country. What happens if you overstay your time?
    A job-visa gives you more time, but it’s hard to get one… first you have to find a job… a legal one… you have to know if you can process it in Egypt or if you have to go back to the US… what papers do you need. How much does it cost…
    Obtaining a visa takes a lot of time and consumes a lot of money. It took me over a year to obtain a work-visa…
    I’m guessing gay-marriage is not an option in Egypt? That’s a very big step, but it’s what my russian friend did- can you believe that? They met in Spain, saw each other two more times and then got married.
    Another, usually easier possibility is to obtain a student-visa. Perhaps you can look into the possibility to go and study the egyptian language for a year. (What are the requirements, how much does it cost?)

    That’s another ‘pragmatic’ issue: learn the language. Because if you want to be able to understand him better, you have to embrace his culture, and language is a big part of it. If you don’t learn it, you’ll feel like an outsider on many occasions. And, it also will come in handy if you want to apply for a job and you will need it to ‘make friends’ with the immigration officers. (Now you’re probably wondering why you had to fall in love with someone who speaks arabic 😉 but having a boyfriend is the fastest way to learn a new language lol.

    The other question is: what will you do? How will you make money? You said you already tried to find a job. I don’t know what you looked into, but perhaps you can find something related to tourism as you speak English and Spanish. Perhaps you can set up your own business? A lot of people fear to go to another country because they don’t speak the language. (I know about a Dutch couple who gains some extra money by showing around dutch people in the south of South-America) . Or perhaps you can gain money by doing freelance work, like some travel-bloggers (you could continue gaining in US$), or can you teach English, you enjoyed teaching in India, so perhaps that’s a possibility?

    You talk about choosing between yourself and between love. But I honestly think that this is an easy choice, if you consider it in a purely rational way. I think that you can’t be happy in a relationship, if you aren’t happy with yourself. It’s important to keep that in mind. You have to be completely honest with yourself or thinks won’t work out. Being honest with yourself can be a very difficult task, but here it’s crucial, just think about it: in every relationship there are some bad moments and that’s when you will blame him for the choice you made if your weren’t honest. But of course, el corazón tiene razón que la razón no tiene…
    You talk a lot about your travels, but don’t forget that having a relationship does not mean that you can’t travel anymore. If he loves you, he’ll let you travel (I’m guessing not a whole year, but a month a year, perhaps a couple of months) or he’ll want to join you…
    (If he doesn’t likes to travel, perhaps you have to ask yourself if you are compatible. A cousin of mine broke it of with a boy for this reason…)

    It’s hard your relationship, because you have a timeframe. Usually people can get to know each other, without pressure from the outside. It’s not easy, you are forced to deal with these questions right away. So it is important to be honest with yourself, and with him. Talk to each other about it. Consider the options together, all the options. You talk about you staying in Egypt, and I can imagine that USA-imigration policy is way harder, but perhaps he can join you? Or you can decide to have a long-distance relationship for a couple of years, learn the language in the mean time and make money and set up a plan.
    It doesn’t have to be a black-or-white-choice, but you have to talk about this together!
    He says that there is nothing you can’t overcome together, and that is true, if you are both willing to do everything! Honesty is the keyword here…

    • Jaime Davila says:

      Ay dios mio que comment you left me. Damn you have made me think of so many more things. I guess I have a lot of homework to do. I know though it is easy for US citizens to extend their TOURIST VISA up to a year with out having to leave. So I know as soon as I arrive will be extending it just to have it. Doesn’t cost much. As for the working VISA that is something I don’t think I would apply for because I honestly have no qualifications. I don’t even have a degree…lol! That would be hard to get… but who knows maybe I could find an amazing job, but doubt it. I mean honestly I don’t know what I want and I know I have said that a million times already and know that you know that, but it’s all I can tell my self to calm down and not go crazy.

      As for him joining me and traveling with me that would be very difficult to do. 1 he has to finish school 1st then he must serve at least a year in military school. That alone is such a huge difference between Egypt & US. Then after he finishes that he can TRY to obtain a passport and that is not guaranteed. Once he has it the VISA restrictions for EGYPTIANS to enter many countries is a pain in the ass. That is another part where being from a third world country works against you. Plus the other major thing is he doesn’t make enough money to be able to travel. So I would never even pressure him to do so. We both know the situation is much harder than it looks, but we’ll see what happens and make the most of what we can do. Thanks again so much for the comment, it really helps me see things a bit differently and it’s just hard… and it makes me want to cry. Ay y si “el corazón tiene razón que la razón no tiene…” Pero aves uno no entiende lo que queire el Corazon… ay la vida nunca la entenderemos.

      • I didn’t realize that it was so hard for Egyptians, I feel your despair 🙁
        No te preocupes demasiado, el tiempo te va a ayudar a entender lo que tu corazón quiere.
        And, this may sound strange, but try to enjoy the despair too, there is a certain beauty in being able to love someone so much that you don’t know what to do.

        I guess your friends are more than willing to listen to you, but if you ever feel like needing someone to talk about it a bit more, or find comfort in sharing with a stranger, even if you just are repeating yourself, you can always sent me a mail.

        And I promise you, time will help!

        • Jaime Davila says:

          Thanks so much for the comments. I will try not to worry and go with the flow… I know what you mean about despair too. Everything has a double side to it and the thing we never know what it really means in our life until the future. Muchas gracias por todo!!!

  26. Story of my life! I came back from Central America still confused and not knowing of what I will be doing either! I keep thinking, maybe I should just keep traveling and exploring? In the back of my head, I think, well that may not answer what my purpose in life is. But you know what, neither would simply thinking of what a “normal” stable life would be. Because in the end of the day, surprises are going to happen. Inspiring to know you’ve gone 400+ days since you broke away! Congrats to that.
    Harrison recently posted..Photo Round-Up #1: Sunsets in Central America

    • Jaime Davila says:

      Glad I am not alone Harrison, I mean really it just makes things a bit harder. You are right about surprises happening… they will no matter what life you are living. Thanks for the congrats… can’t believe it’s been that long and counting!

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