There I was walking down the streets of Guanajuato with a cup of fruit in my hand when a little kid comes up to me & ask “Sir, can I please have the cup of fruit? I’m hungry.” I look at him, my heart sinks & just hand it to him. As I walk away tears fill my eyes because I have never felt hunger, and have never had to ask anyone for food out of despair. It’s those small moments that make you realize how fortunate you really are.
This is a scene that I have gone through several times during my travels and I have always felt that food is the one thing that is okay to give children, because you know they or someone is going to eat it. I understand poverty is everywhere and no country on Earth is immune to it, but many of us are used to just glossing over it as we confront it on a daily basis and go about our daily lives. The thing is when it hits you in the face in the form of a child no older than 6 years old asking you for your food you can’t help but crumble down and just wonder. You wonder how could this be? You wonder where does he live? You wonder if he is warm at night? You wonder if he is okay? You wonder when was the last time he had anything to eat? You wonder how long has he been waiting there to go up to just the right person to ask for what they are eating. A million thoughts cross your mind as you walk away and as I sit here writing this I realize how fortunate I really am.
Thankfully my struggles are nothing compared to what his are, but lately I have been fighting my own demons and it’s been tough. You may have noticed I have not updated my blog since I left home and discussed how travel is a snowflake and was so excited to blog again and share everything with y’all. Well about that… I just haven’t felt like sharing anything. Yes I have been sharing tons of photos on Instagram, but that’s simple and do it on the go. As for blogging I don’t know… I guess I have just been enjoying my time here in Mexico and have been loving not having to worry about what I’m going to write about each city I visit. Since I haven’t been blogging I also have already lost track of what day of the week it is. That’s something that rarely happened on my last trip because I was always OCD about posting a Music Monday then a post on Tuesday and Thursday and a 5 photo round up on Friday. I don’t know if people realize how much work it is to keep a blog going, but it is. Anyway no I’m not complaining and I’m not going to stop blogging… I love it too much to call it quits, but please bare with me as I get back in the grove of things.
I’ve been on the road already over a month and no joke it’s been amazing. The first week was not planned, but spent it in Monterrey with family because my cousin is a dentist. I didn’t realize my teeth were a mess so decided to get it all done before getting on the road and having to deal with it else where. Then I spent 2 weeks with family in General Teran and loved every minute of it. It had been years since I spent more than 3 days there. The whole purpose I was going to spend that much time there aside from seeing family was to help my mom clean my grandparents house. That honestly was a huge task to tackle, but we got it done just before more family arrived for the wedding. The house looks amazing now and hopefully soon we fix it up to look like an old colonial home. So then my last weekend in Teran was the wedding and oh man was it a blast. It was so nice to see a great chunk of my family. Then my day to leave arrived and I left my mom in tears because she is always worried about me and just hopes I am safe the entire time. I honestly don’t know how parents do it. I know I would be petrified of my child leaving to see the world, but I guess they have no control anymore.
A big fat Mexican wedding!!! That’s my mom & I on the right hand corner.
Oh & this is not even 1/4 of my family.
Since leaving Teran I have visited Zacatecas, Guadalajara and am currently in Guanajuato. All 3 are beautiful cities that are continuously blowing my mind and reminding me of how beautiful and amazing Mexico really is. It is also making me hate the news and media at home in the USA even more, because I’m continuously having to remind myself that no Mexico isn’t the shit hole the media makes it seem, but more on that in another post.
Zacatecas, Mexico (previously shared on my Instagram account)
Guanajuato, Mexico (previously shared on my Instagram account)
The last few days I’ve spent my time moving from city to city and exploring each and trying to get back in the swing of things. The thing is I don’t know if this is what I really want? I mean I know I want it and want it bad, but now that I’m back on the road I’m second guessing myself. I keep asking my self is this really amazing and the thought of making a big loop around South America sounds exhausting. Again I am not complaining just sharing my thoughts. As I battle with that I keep reminding myself that I am very fortunate to be doing this. I mean honesty not many get the chance to do this and for some reason it was that little kid that moved me to finally write and reminded me of it. Every time I think about that little kid my eyes tear up. As tears come to my eyes my thoughts go back to the one place they have been going back to just about every minute of the day I am not busy doing something… my thoughts go back to him.
I feel very fortunate that I don’t have many struggles because I have changed my life since I left on my last trip and am so happy with the simple life I live. My biggest struggle right now though is yeah him. I know many of you are probably thinking “seriously Jaime just go back or get the fuck over it” — Oh if it was only that damn easy. The truth is I don’t know and want both. I want the world and I want him. I struggle with the constant thoughts of if I should continue traveling the world or if U should be settling down and making a home somewhere or if I should go and be with the man I love. What’s crazier is I have no clue how he feels because we don’t talk anymore and it’s also been over 16 months since I left Cairo. I know ridiculous and I’m sorry for sharing all this.
So yeah that’s about it right now. Oh I lie I am also hating my DSLR and have not taken a single good photo of anything with it. I have been using my iPod more than I imagined. I am considering shipping the DSLR home and having my sister selling it and buying a good point & shot in Mexico City. We will see what happens with the DSLR and my entire trip and what I end up doing about him and how I feel about being back on the road again.
I love that this post went from one subject to the other… oops, but I literally just sat here and wrote this with out thinking twice about it. Just remember if you are reading this chances are you are very fortunate too. This is also the last time I write about this struggle of mine until I figure out what I am going to do. For now I am just going to carry on and finish exploring Mexico and who knows after that.
Sell the DSLR and get a point and shoot- or just use the Ipod. I like my DSLR (a lot!) but it is too much effort to travel with most of the time, and I don’t like having to worry about electronics breaking or getting stolen- plus it takes up a lot of space (that I could use for yarn and knitting stuff)!
I will almost always give food if people ask for it and it is something I have with me, and try and make it easy for people to get leftovers that I am ready to throw away (instead of throwing them in the trash, setting them on the side where people don’t have to dig- I can sometime see that people want them, but don’t want to ask).
(Sorry you and him are no longer talking!)
Oh no Jenn I need a good camera, because I want to make another photo book and also the day I have my own home I want to frame many of my favorite photos! But yes I think I am going to sell the DSLR and buy a P&S. I love that you are replacing the space of a DSLR with yarn & stuff. You’re awesome. I’m glad I’m not the only who gives food too. Oh & no need to apologize for us not talking. It is what it is.
How about a mirrorless camera like the Samsung NX300 or one of the Sony NEX cameras? DSLR quality in a compact package. I’ve been looking into these for a while as an upgrade from a standard point-and-shoot without taking on the weight and bulk of a DSLR. Leaning towards the Samsung with 16-50mm power-zoom lens.
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My last P&S Tracey was a SONY & I loved it. I am going to go shopping when I go to Mexico City & see what I find. Yeah I’ve decided I am getting rid of it.
If you’re not happy with the camera, there’s no point dragging it around with you. DSLRs are so bulky that it’s really not worth the hassle if you don’t love the results. I bought my Nikon D3100 especially for my trip and was disappointed with it. It’s a great camera in perfect conditions, but any time there’s grey clouds in the sky, it ruins the whole photo.
I think you did the right thing giving the kid your food. They can’t really sell it, probably can’t trade it, and no one is going to keep their kids out of school for the sake of a hamburger or a cup of fruit.
Don’t beat yourself up for having ‘first world problems’. Just because you aren’t living in poverty, doesn’t mean your feelings aren’t valid as well. Having too many nice options can really get you down, as it’s so hard to choose which one to go for. There’s so many things that I want to do, and I’m luckily enough that all of them are literally possible, but obviously I can’t do them all. So you’re not alone in feeling this way, but unfortunately I don’t know what the solution is.
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Thanks Jo I agree with everything you have just said. And yes we can’t beat ourselves down for having “first world problems” a problem is a problem none the less no matter where on Earth you are or are dealing with. As for the solution I keep telling myself… it will come to me when it’s the time.
I think traveling through SA will be less exhausting for you because you speak Spanish. But I know what you mean about second guessing yourself. I do it all the time. I sometimes wish I were traveling the world. But I like my apartment and my life in Sao Paulo and the stability more. It has to be what YOU want MORE. I don’t know what to say about your situation with him in Egypt. I know it must hurt. I went through lots of separation from my partner before we found a way for me to be permanent in Brazil….and in the future, we will find a way for him to be permanent in the USA. I can only say that its very expensive and time-consuming and complicated for same-sex partners of different nationalities to be together. But I want to be with him more than anyone else. So gotta deal. If you come to Brazil, keep in touch!
David you are so right about the Spanish part. That’s true, but ugh second guessing yourself is the worst. As I read your comment I seriously kept thinking no I have to make it to Sao Paulo… I must meet David & his partner. Thanks for commenting on the post where I’m more of a mess and chiming in with your thought because you have dealt with this. It’s like you always know when to comment jaja! Anyway yeah I know it’s gonna be expensive if it leads to more than just living together in Cairo. We will cross that bridge when we get to it. For now we aren’t even talking so who knows what the hell is going to happen the day I do go back to Cairo!!! Oh & yes I will go to Sao Paulo… um I’m crashing with y’all so have the couch ready…lol!!!
You have a kind soul Jaime. Its tough when life’s cruelty and injustices are exposed through helpless beings and circumstances. It’s hard to accept these truths sometimes but that is life. Travel lets you see things you may not have been aware had you not venture out to the world. Enjoy your time, looking forward to hearing more from you on the road. Take care, Mijo.
Thanks Tabs, it is life & we have to face it, deal with it and carry on.
Sometimes, all we need is to open our eyes, and see that we are more blessed compared to people that strive to live. A little wisdom like this hopefully goes to all people who see life as half empty glass. Thanks for letting me drop by!
Cristy if only every one could open their eyes and realize that I think the world would be a better place. Thanks for the comment!
Jaime,
I totally know how you feel when you encounter a starving child. Sadly, I face this issue a lot more, now that I am a teacher. Last year I saw students during breakfast or lunch time and wondered, “Is this the only meal they will have all day?” It truly is the hardest thing I have ever experienced. I hope all is well and I want you to know that you are in my prayers! Although you may have doubts, you should know that I absolutely love reading your blog and think that what you are doing is absolutely amazing! Hang in there and keep doing what you love, the rest will fall into place! God bless you!
OMG…. SUSANA… just seeing your name made me so happy. I love getting comments on my blog, but when I see it’s from someone at home that I know… my heart jumps with excitement. Jajaja just had to let you know! Ahhh that breaks my heart that as a teacher in the USA that the thought of is this his only meal crosses your mind. I couldn’t deal with that and would make sure they eat everything and even try and give healthy snacks at the end of each day. Thanks for reminding me that people are cheering me on and love reading and seeing what I am doing. I will hang in there and carry on. I think I just need to get back into the swing of things. Thanks again so much for the comment.
That’s so sad about the little kid. You’re so kind to give him your food!
About the camera – if you’re hating it, sell it and buy a point and shoot. Andy has one of those micro 4/3 cameras, and even though it’s smaller, it’s not really any lighter than the DSLR, so he’s going to sell it and go back to a point and shoot. He’s been using my old one for now. You take AMAZING photos, so if the DSLR isn’t working out for you, cut your losses.
I’m so sorry you’re struggling so much right now. First, remember that the beginning of a big trip is always a struggle. It just does take time to get back into the swing of things. I think it’s too early to give up the trip just yet, you probably need to give yourself at least another month or two to see how things go. And remember your struggle is not about the exact physical place you’re in. That was my problem on my RTW, I kept thinking, maybe I just don’t like it here and I should move to the next place. I actually made things worse by not slowing down a bit.
But I do understand your heart is still in Cairo. I don’t know how you deal with that. I crushes me to think of how much you’re hurting because of it. But I think you’ll just know at some point if you really should switch gears and go back there. I’d just hate for you to do it before you know for sure that you’re ok with potentially giving up your travel dream. I don’t know, it’s such a tough decision. I can’t imagine ever not deciding to be with Andy, but the situation wasn’t nearly as complicated as yours.
I love you Jaime, big hugs!!!
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I love it when you comment on my blog… I feel like you always know just the right thing to tell me. So yes I think I am going to send it home when I get to DF cus yeah I hate it!!! That is if I can find a good deal on a good P&S in El DF. As for my struggle… you’re right in reminding me that the beginning of a big trip is always a struggle. I literally just now am remembering the first week of my last trip ja & what a mess it was & yeah I carried on. I’m not ready to give up just yet. I’m gonna go to South America for sure and see how that goes and when I’m ready to go back just go back. It sucks that my heart is in two places and I don’t even know how I deal with it either, but I do. I’ll be fine I know I will and it will all come to me when it’s supposed to come and it’s meant to happen. Anyway thanks again for just listening to me, jajaja!!!
Any time, Jaime! HUGS!!
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It always breaks my heart too to see starving children, I often feel bad that I can’t do MORE for them.
Glad to hear that you are enjoying your time with your family and are on the road again. Have a great trip, I look forward to reading more of your adventures
Thanks Craig.
Hi Jaime,
Just read your post and I have truly enjoyed your instagram pictures plus details on the locations.
I understand your frustration about Him but you should actually find out what He has been up to,how he feels and see (if possible) how you two can continue,I know it is easier said then done but you need something from him and that is to know how he feels about you. You are a good guy and I for one do not want you to get hurt,so many if,ands and buts are in our head that all we need to hear is the truthful answer from the person we adore,want & love.
Where ever you head next I am looking forward to what you share.
Happy Travel Muchacho.
Sal
Oh Sal…. if only it was that easy. The reality of it is that I am the one that is going to have to go back so for now I must just let it be cus I have no clue when that’s going to be. So for now it is what it is. On another note I’m glad you are enjoying my IG photos. I love sharing on there… it’s just so much easier than blogging lol & I’ve enjoyed not worrying about the blog. Thanks for always being so supportive & cheering me on with what ever I do in my crazy life.
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