There I was walking down the streets of Guanajuato with a cup of fruit in my hand when a little kid comes up to me & ask “Sir, can I please have the cup of fruit? I’m hungry.” I look at him, my heart sinks & just hand it to him. As I walk away tears fill my eyes because I have never felt hunger, and have never had to ask anyone for food out of despair. It’s those small moments that make you realize how fortunate you really are.
This is a scene that I have gone through several times during my travels and I have always felt that food is the one thing that is okay to give children, because you know they or someone is going to eat it. I understand poverty is everywhere and no country on Earth is immune to it, but many of us are used to just glossing over it as we confront it on a daily basis and go about our daily lives. The thing is when it hits you in the face in the form of a child no older than 6 years old asking you for your food you can’t help but crumble down and just wonder. You wonder how could this be? You wonder where does he live? You wonder if he is warm at night? You wonder if he is okay? You wonder when was the last time he had anything to eat? You wonder how long has he been waiting there to go up to just the right person to ask for what they are eating. A million thoughts cross your mind as you walk away and as I sit here writing this I realize how fortunate I really am.
Thankfully my struggles are nothing compared to what his are, but lately I have been fighting my own demons and it’s been tough. You may have noticed I have not updated my blog since I left home and discussed how travel is a snowflake and was so excited to blog again and share everything with y’all. Well about that… I just haven’t felt like sharing anything. Yes I have been sharing tons of photos on Instagram, but that’s simple and do it on the go. As for blogging I don’t know… I guess I have just been enjoying my time here in Mexico and have been loving not having to worry about what I’m going to write about each city I visit. Since I haven’t been blogging I also have already lost track of what day of the week it is. That’s something that rarely happened on my last trip because I was always OCD about posting a Music Monday then a post on Tuesday and Thursday and a 5 photo round up on Friday. I don’t know if people realize how much work it is to keep a blog going, but it is. Anyway no I’m not complaining and I’m not going to stop blogging… I love it too much to call it quits, but please bare with me as I get back in the grove of things.
I’ve been on the road already over a month and no joke it’s been amazing. The first week was not planned, but spent it in Monterrey with family because my cousin is a dentist. I didn’t realize my teeth were a mess so decided to get it all done before getting on the road and having to deal with it else where. Then I spent 2 weeks with family in General Teran and loved every minute of it. It had been years since I spent more than 3 days there. The whole purpose I was going to spend that much time there aside from seeing family was to help my mom clean my grandparents house. That honestly was a huge task to tackle, but we got it done just before more family arrived for the wedding. The house looks amazing now and hopefully soon we fix it up to look like an old colonial home. So then my last weekend in Teran was the wedding and oh man was it a blast. It was so nice to see a great chunk of my family. Then my day to leave arrived and I left my mom in tears because she is always worried about me and just hopes I am safe the entire time. I honestly don’t know how parents do it. I know I would be petrified of my child leaving to see the world, but I guess they have no control anymore.
Since leaving Teran I have visited Zacatecas, Guadalajara and am currently in Guanajuato. All 3 are beautiful cities that are continuously blowing my mind and reminding me of how beautiful and amazing Mexico really is. It is also making me hate the news and media at home in the USA even more, because I’m continuously having to remind myself that no Mexico isn’t the shit hole the media makes it seem, but more on that in another post.
Zacatecas, Mexico (previously shared on my Instagram account)
Guanajuato, Mexico (previously shared on my Instagram account)
The last few days I’ve spent my time moving from city to city and exploring each and trying to get back in the swing of things. The thing is I don’t know if this is what I really want? I mean I know I want it and want it bad, but now that I’m back on the road I’m second guessing myself. I keep asking my self is this really amazing and the thought of making a big loop around South America sounds exhausting. Again I am not complaining just sharing my thoughts. As I battle with that I keep reminding myself that I am very fortunate to be doing this. I mean honesty not many get the chance to do this and for some reason it was that little kid that moved me to finally write and reminded me of it. Every time I think about that little kid my eyes tear up. As tears come to my eyes my thoughts go back to the one place they have been going back to just about every minute of the day I am not busy doing something… my thoughts go back to him.
I feel very fortunate that I don’t have many struggles because I have changed my life since I left on my last trip and am so happy with the simple life I live. My biggest struggle right now though is yeah him. I know many of you are probably thinking “seriously Jaime just go back or get the fuck over it” — Oh if it was only that damn easy. The truth is I don’t know and want both. I want the world and I want him. I struggle with the constant thoughts of if I should continue traveling the world or if U should be settling down and making a home somewhere or if I should go and be with the man I love. What’s crazier is I have no clue how he feels because we don’t talk anymore and it’s also been over 16 months since I left Cairo. I know ridiculous and I’m sorry for sharing all this.
So yeah that’s about it right now. Oh I lie I am also hating my DSLR and have not taken a single good photo of anything with it. I have been using my iPod more than I imagined. I am considering shipping the DSLR home and having my sister selling it and buying a good point & shot in Mexico City. We will see what happens with the DSLR and my entire trip and what I end up doing about him and how I feel about being back on the road again.
I love that this post went from one subject to the other… oops, but I literally just sat here and wrote this with out thinking twice about it. Just remember if you are reading this chances are you are very fortunate too. This is also the last time I write about this struggle of mine until I figure out what I am going to do. For now I am just going to carry on and finish exploring Mexico and who knows after that.