The 2nd time I’ve cried on the road…

You see the 1st time on my trip I cried was the time I was held at gunpoint in Montverde, Costa Rica… it was so out of the blue and something I had never been through… that as soon as I got to my room I called one of my best friends crying.

Sometimes I feel this delicate...Took this while walking around Brussels.

Now 5 month into my trip I am crying and I don’t know why! I had a very good time the 8 nights I spent in Paris. Yes I saw the sights, saw what Mona Lisa has to show me and fell in love with the great food. I then spent 2 days in Brussels…. a day in Bruges with Val from Silly America & am currently in Antwerp on the road alone again! I am currently writing this from my bunk… in this 14-bed dorm room.

Okay I lied I do know why I cried… I cried for many reasons. Even though I have been back on the road for 2 weeks I feel like the 2nd week was my 1st week back on the road. Does that make sense? Let me explain… the 1st week I spent it in Paris with Alice a friend of mine and was basically spoiled… I had a very big comfy bed along with hot showers. I would make sure we had breakfast every morning by going to the market and she would make sure we would have a great dinner. Now that I’m on the road again… it’s not the same.

I hadn’t been in a hostel since I left Playa del Carmen over a month ago. I spent a month at home and loved it, but after 2 weeks was itching to be back on the road. Then when I got to the one in Brussels it was easy to get too and I already had someone waiting for me to hang out with. So the 2 nights there were a breeze. I was having problems with the Internet that made things a bit frustrating, but that is normal when you are relying on hostel WiFi and I had to get used to that again.

A shot of me looking out over the city of Brussels. Val took this picture and I love it... I wonder what I was thinking?

Then the both of us had planned to spend 2 nights in Bruges. Val of course had already reserved her 2 nights and me coming from Central America where you could just show up and find a bed didn’t think I needed to book in advance. After we purchased our train ticket to Bruges and made our way there we arrived and couldn’t find our hostel. We were both getting frustrated because we were tired of walking around town with our backpacks on. Finally over an hour later we found our hostel. She had no problem getting her bed for 2 nights… me on the other hand let the lady know I didn’t have a reservation and she looked at me like “OMG”. I asked her I would like a bed for 2 nights. She lets me know she can only book me for one night (tonight) because the next night is fully booked. I take the one night and look at Val pissed. I immediately get online to find another hostel in Bruges that is available and don’t find anything. I then have to decide where I am going next and go ahead and book it. I’m pissed I am only spending one day in Bruges, but its my fault I should have booked in advance. Later that night I go to take a shower and yet again another cold shower… another thing that added to my frustration.

Sometimes we have to wonder whats behind the door and go through it. This is a random door in Bruges that I love.

The next day I say bye to Val (even though I know I’m going to see her again in Valencia for La Tomatina for me it was hard). I make my way to Antwerp and luckily find my hostel with no problem. I realize a day into my stay there that I have to deal with a crappy bed that makes noise every time I move a muscle, deal with cold showers, and deal with saying bye to amazing people I am meeting again.

I know it may sound like I am complaining, but I am not. I am just venting about things I am having to get used to again as I embark on the 2nd part of my journey around the world. I know most people assume traveling is easy and always fun, but that is not the case. It is hard to travel city to city finding a place to stay, finding a place to eat, communicating with people who may not know your language and well it hit me hard my 2nd night here in Antwerp. After spending the night chatting with awesome people that are also on their own journey we said bye to each other at like 4am. I went to my bed and it hit me that i have to get used to being on the road again and that it’s tough and just cried. Thank god for internet because I spent the next moments talking to people who care about me and listened to me and made me feel better.

We are human sometimes we break... unlike the Power Rangers we used to watch as kids. I got this shot during a carnival in Brussels.

I had only planned to spend 3 nights here in Antwerp and spend the 2 other nights in Rotterdam before getting to Amsterdam. Instead I decided to stay in Antwerp 2 more nights skip Rotterdam and just make my way straight to Amsterdam. I’m glad I did that because the last 2 days I have spent them doing nothing and needed that. I am now ready to get back on the road and have a great time. I think I needed the few days of rest to get my brain and body back in travel mode. Now I am on my way to Amsterdam and am looking forward to it so much as it is something I have been planning with Corey from Where’s Waldner for a very long time and am looking forward to the nice apartment we booked for 5 nights there.

So have any of you had a mini melt down while traveling? I know I am loving what I am doing and am going to keep going, but just needed the time to regroup my thoughts and adjust to life back on the road. This kind of reminded me of my 1st real week on the road filled with highs & lows. I have a long way to go and am looking forward to all the adventures that are yet to come, but sometimes I guess we do have do wonder “wow really this is what I have to do to see the world???”.

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  1. I think what you are going through is normal. I’ve heard a lot of people going through it. You’re basically having to use all your senses, all the time and make decisions constantly, it can be overwhelming and very draining. I think thats the challenge that we are all looking for though and you are stronger for overcoming it. Hang in there, the lows are a part of life and make the highs that much sweeter!!
    Sherry recently posted..Belize Research

    • That is so true and I never thought about it like that. We are constantly having to use all of our senses and having to be alert 24/7 because nothing is normal. The lows will make the highs so much sweeter. Thank you so much Sherry for your comment.

  2. Big hugs. This is definitely normal – I go through it every now and then too and sometimes I start crying for the stupidest reasons (like I have a headache and it’s raining and no taxis are stopping for me and all the buses aren’t going to my stop and I’m sick of trying to speak spanish). You’ll get used to it again – the extreme highs and extreme lows are just par for the course when it comes to solo travel.
    Megan recently posted..Death, life and drugs in Xela’s cemetery

    • Megan thank you for making me laugh because I too felt like I was crying for something so stupid… I mean come on cus I had a crappy bed, had to say bye to amazing people, couldn’t find a hostel, cold showers… etc etc.. I mean are really dumb but i guess in the big sceme of things its what we have to deal with every day so sometimes it does get to us. Glad I am not alone!

  3. Ohhhh Yeah- I’ve melted down. It’s usually after a few weeks of keeping up a completely unmanageable schedule and the smallest thing sets me off. It usually takes an hour or so before I realize how lucky I am to be traveling and it’s my choice. Reality is a bitch that way.

    Keep you head up. You are very lucky.
    Erik recently posted..Photo of the Day- The Atonium, Brussles, Belguim

    • Thanks Erik, I think it is the smallest things that set us off after we have been on the go for a bit. Then I do realize I am doing this because I want to and because I have made this happen and that it is part of traveling solo and backpacking around the world that I regroup and snap out of it.

  4. Oh man! I can imagine it is pretty hardcore going home and then being out again. After we left Xela and in the comfort of a home for damn near a month, hostels are slowly killing our soul and our pocketbooks. Keep in mind that you do have friends all over!
    Erica recently posted..Episode 9 – Santa Maria

    • I honestly didn’t think it would be that hard Erica, but it was. I am now in Amsterdam and excited all over again and am happy we got an apartment for 5 nights here. I guess yall will be going through the similar situation now that yall are back in the hostel life. Thanks again for listening to me when I vent.

  5. I’m a firm believer that crying isn’t a bad thing at all. Actually, I find crying to be very therapeutic and very very good to do once in a while! It releases all the pent up emotion and makes me feel so much better afterwards!
    Sheryll recently posted..Being Selfish Doesn’t Always Mean You’re an Asshole

    • Amen Sheryll that is so damn true… because now I feel way better. Thanks for listening to me that night… I was semi drunk and an emotional mess jaja. Love ya!!!

  6. Although I haven’t travelled long term (yet!) I don’t think I’ve ever read a blog from someone who is who hasn’t echoed the exact sentiment you’d expressed here. Just because you’re in amazing countries seeing amazing things doesn’t mean you won’t have down days, just like everyone does at home. It’s totally natural, everyone has them. Take some time out, spoil yourself a bit and then remember why you’re doing this. You’ll be back to your old self and wondering why you were ever questioning it in no time.
    Julia recently posted..Dream a Little Dream…

    • Thanks Julia that is true I am allowed to have my moments even if I am in amazing cities and countries around the world. I am def going to spoil my self here in Amsterdam. I am so excited to be back on the road and see new things… im ready now!!! I just needed some down time…

  7. Whenever we take a break from moving around and rent an apartment somewhere it’s always so hard to go back to hostel life again. It’s almost like starting travelling again and it always takes a while to get used to it. I imagine it’s particularly hard in Europe because it’s so expensive so you are paying a fortune for a crappy dorm bed!

    We’ve been house sitting and staying with friends and family for a few months now so I am slightly dreading going back to hostels. Excited to be heading to Asia though.

    Have a fantastic time in Amsterdam and hope you find your flow again.

    • Oh thank you Erin… that week in Belgium did feel like I was starting all over again. It caught me off gaurd I thought it would be smooth and a breeze since I had dont 4 months already but I was wrong. Europe has been a huge wake up call… not only in the PRICES (they make me cringe everytime), but not knowing the language and having to book hostels in advance and haveing to book trains in advance. I loved C. America & Mexico cus you could just get on any bus out whenever and walk up to a hostel and find space. It’s okay this is making me stronger and wiser. Im ready for what’s next.

  8. Wait?! You mean its not all bon bons, caviar and chicken buses? WTF?

    keep your chin up Jaime, as many before me have said, you have friends all over the world, all of us a moments tweet away, just remember that.

    We are all here with you, to follow along with your journey, good or bad.
    Justin Hamlin recently posted..A Belated Honeymoon Wish

    • Fucking Justing “and chicken buses”…LMFAO… love it!!!

      Thanks so much I will keep it up and thanks for reminding me I have people all over here for me. Thanks again for following along!!!

  9. I wrote about my one-month-in meltdown and then a wicked case of homesickness I had just before a friend came to visit. I had a tough time around the 6-month mark as well, as I wasn’t home for Thanksgiving and was working lots til Christmas time.

    You know this is a transition to face and these feelings come and go. Acknowledging that they’re part of the experience, riding the wave, and reaching out to friends to boost your spirits is a great way of responding to it.

    Heather recently posted..London in Photos

    • Ahh Heather thanks so much… I do remember that. It is hard but your are right these feelings come and go and they are part of the crazy rollercoaster we put our selfs on!!!


  10. I miss you and can’t wait until Valencia! You know I’ve spent the entire last month having major breakdowns at every turn. It’s hard and I cry a LOT! But it’s also really fun despite all that! Taking breaks with apartments is good I think (I hope?) I agree, the whole pillow thing and constantly having to figure out new things and make decisions is so draining. I sometimes get so caught up thinking of how hard things are that I forget to step back and think “that was hard, but you know what, I did it!!”
    Val recently posted..# 20: Go to the Louvre.

    • I know I really miss you too… I hate that it ended so soon…lol, but yes I cant wait until Valencia either. I think saying bye was hard for me cus I had forgotten all about it… I had forgot you meet awesome people and then say bye and you have to deal with a million things. I am glad we were able to chat cus now we know we are not so different in the way we travel the way we think and crazy the way we feel.

      And hell yeah sometimes it is hard but we do it…


  11. I went through a mini-meltdown when I was in San Francisco in 2008. I stayed in this city that I love with all my heart for 4 days, even squeezed a little romance time in, and when I got to the BART station to head for the airport, I had to fight back tears. However, at the airport it was too much. I didn’t want to leave, I wanted just one more day (which of course would not have been enough), so I stepped into the men’s room and turned on the waterworks. I didn’t feel better after that, only a little calmer, knowing that I would be meeting friends at my destination and still had 3 weeks of American vacation left.
    Meltdowns are OK, we are not robots, we have feelings, we need to constantly adapt when on the road. Nor do they make us weak, on the contrary.
    Chin up, have an amazing time in Amsterdam and continue to keep us posted with your adventures (hope to include a little scandal too 😛 )
    Joseph recently posted..Harry Potter – a history

    • Awww Joseph… reading this makes me wanna cry. Ahhh how sometimes we could travel or be somewhere for ever it. It is something I think people who have never done it will never understand. Thanks for sharring that…serioulsy you are right we are not ROBOTS and i think they do make us stronger and enjoy what we are doing even more!

  12. Awww, I think I spent every single day of the first week of my trip in tears! Yes, I was so happy, and having so much fun and was so glad I’d chosen to do this…

    But yet, sometimes at night, I’d just feel lonely, or fed up, or if I had a frustrating day, I’d just lie there and cry.

    After that first week, I’ve been so much better though, and just kinda got into the swing of things, but damn, that week was hard!
    Lauren recently posted..The Beautiful Sunsets of Zadar

    • Lauren… thanks for the honest comment. Ahhh it is hard the 1st week because you have to get the hang of all these new things and get into a semi routine… its not a routine like we had at home because every single day is different but you know the routine of finding out where you going next, where you will staying whie there, how to get there etc… etc… It does get to you after a while or at the beginning.

  13. QueenBrain12 says:

    I cry when I don’t get my way, does that count?! lol

    I love you and you know you can skpe me anytime. Even if you can’t skype me, I feel your pain.

    Thank you for shedding those tears because I still get to see the world through those eyes! I appreciate you sharing your journey with me.


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