200 days into my “BREAKAWAY” & I still get scared.

I’m sitting at a little café in Chefchaouen, Morocco and I can’t believe two things. 1) I AM IN AFRICA & 2) THAT I AM WRITING MY 200 DAYS POST. Seems like just yesterday I was wondering why “WE” don’t have equal rights for my 100 days post (for the record I still wonder). At that time I was still in Playa del Carmen gearing up for my Brothers Wedding and little did I know the next 100 days would be just as amazing if not more than my 1st 100 days. 100 days is a long time and in the last 100 days I managed to do a lot of amazing things. I know most of you read my blog regularly (at least I hope so), but I would like to recap the highlights of my last 100 days before I get into what I really want to write about.

This is everyone in my family at my brothers wedding. I miss them so much & love them so much. Ahhh good times!!!

I made it to my brothers wedding & also went back home to attend my best friends wedding. I wouldn’t have missed either for the world. I had so much fun and loved seeing everyone again before continuing on with my travels. I also camped out in the parking garage of a mall in Houston for 10 hours to get VIP tickets to meet Kelly Clarkson. So yeah I FINALLY MET KELLY CLARKSON. If you have been following me at all you know I am obsessed with her (I know it’s scary, but I don’t care). I still can’t believe I met her and am so glad she is finally putting out a new album!!! Also before I left home I went back to Mexico to visit my grandparents. Sadly I was visiting them in a town that has changed so much from when I was a kid and that is now basically run by drug cartels. After almost 4 weeks at home it was time to hit the road again.

Me & Kelly Clarkson!!!

I arrived in Paris and found out what it tasted like & also discovered that I think everyone is jealous of Mona Lisa. I had a small break down in Belgium that lead to the 2nd time I have cried on this trip (it’s now 3). I attended Gay Pride in Amsterdam and had a blast Segway-ing through the city & also trying mushrooms for the 1st & last time. I then met up with some of my readers who were kind enough to let me stay with them for 8 nights. They taught me how people party in Hamburg & took me on one of the most amazing road trips of my life that included camping in the backyard of strangers and a quick visit to Denmark. I was then a very BAD BOY in BERLIN (still can’t believe the things I did there). I also spent 24hours in Prague and managed to find two peeing men & capture it on video. From there I made it to Munich where a friend from home visited me. Lisa I am so glad you visited me… I love ya so much and hope NYC treats ya well. I then flew for the 1st time on RyanAir to Valencia where I did nothing for a week, but also attended La Tomatina (something I had wanted to for years). Well now here I am in AFRICA.

Fuck I still can’t believe I managed to do all that in 100 days seems impossible, but it really is possible. I write just about all my highlights on my blog, but some I have kept for myself that at some point I will share. I have grown to seriously love what I am doing not just the traveling part, but the blogging part. I have received so many amazing emails and am making a difference. I just love it… but I also want to share a part of me I haven’t shared on my blog yet. I never quite know what to write on my 100 day post and it normally hits me a few days before hand. This is something I have been dealing with for the past 200 days and I don’t know if it will ever go away.

Sometimes I feel like my mind is being a baby… yup jus tlike this lil girl. This is street art that I found in Hamburg.

I am scared to travel… and I don’t know why.  I seriously get so scared when I am changing cities. Whether it is in Central America or in Europe I just do. I’ve mentioned many times how I hate transportation days. I hate them because one they are normally long, boring and exhausting and two because I think that is when any traveler traveling alone is the most vulnerable. We are in transit where we must be alert at all times and then arriving in cities that we have no clue about and must make our way to our hostel or apartment with out anything happening. Aside from being held at gunpoint in Monteverde, Costa Rica nothing (as I knock on wood) bad has happened to me. I have not had any other scares at all so I don’t know why I worry so much. If my travels have taught me anything it is that the world is not as dangerous as the news & people make it out to be.

The night before I made my way to Morocco. I actually cried… yes I cried… I know fucking dramatic, but I did. I was so scared… I had read about Morocco and read that it was safe, but for me my mind kept saying “Jaime you are going to AFRICA” “Jaime you are going to a country that is not Latin American or European“ “Jaime Jaime Jaime” and so yes I of course cried.

I don’t know how many bloggers do, but I keep my blog updated and also a personal journal. I’m going to quote something I wrote in there the night before heading to Morocco that is how I feel.

“Ahhh I’m fucking crying right now… & I know why it’s cus I miss home. Not so much being home, but the fact of certainty. I love what I am doing so much, but I think it is taking a toll on me. At least transportation days are. I fucking hate them. I get scared every damn time & I can’t help it. ”

I’ve read this quote a million times, but I found it on the Lennon Wall in Prague.

Yes I write in my journal the same way I write on here (it’s how I write). Anywho it’s so weird I don’t miss being home, but sometimes I miss home because the certainty I had there. Even though being home is not always safer than traveling. I know anything can happen at any time anywhere. I however think that is what I miss the most, because on the road I think certainty is what you have the least of. I don’t know if any of that made sense at all. On the right you see a famous quote that I am sure everyone has seen & read a million times. I know for a fact it is one of the most honest & true quotes ever. Even though sometimes I get scared as hell I do not let it stop me from doing what I want to do. It’s not easy, but I know if I did let it stop me I would regret so much for the rest of my life. I mean hell if I had let it stop me I would have never done any of the things I have done in the last 200 days. I guess I am human (I hope I am) and well it is natural to be scared. If we weren’t scared of anything then we would have problems… or would we?

So now I am asking y’all is there anything you do in your life that you are scared to do, but do anyway? Any of you that read my blog that have been traveling for much longer than I have… Do you still get scared? Is it natural to get scared… like this? With time will it ever go away? Ahhh I have million questions… for now I am going to travel away, because I do love it… if I ever don’t love it I would just book a plane ticket and make my home. For the record I am not complaining I am sharing my feelings about something I had not shared before. Kinda like a confession…

Related Posts with Thumbnails


  1. Great post, Jaime – and an awesome trip down memory lane.

    Keep leaning into uncertainty because that’s where the best stuff comes from and how the best journey is shaped.

    For us, it’s about trying to stay in the moment and doing what intuition tells us to. That way, even if we’re scared or apprehensive, we have a sense of “calm” because we know it’s exactly what we should be doing in the moment. We fumble at times but usually learn the most when we progress through life with that attitude.

    Our rule: Get in touch with your intuition and follow it. It contains every answer you need.

    Now, get back out there and create more amazing memories for us to read about 🙂
    Kent @ No Vacation Required recently posted..NVR 101 – Visiting Africa

    • Thanks Kent yes I am going to continue leaning to uncertainty because your right that is where the best stuff comes from. I always listen to my intuition and so far it’s all been good so far. I do stay more alert during my transportation days but they still get to me. I will continue to make more amazing memories and of course write about them!!!

  2. Plane flight.
    Andrew recently posted..Scenes of Spain: Ham Obsession

  3. Wow, you have done quite a lot in the last 100 days. I have to admit, since I started my own trip about 70 days ago, I have hardly had a chance to check out what you were up to. Thanks for the roundup.

    We were just talking about how it feels like we just started travelling in so many ways, and at the same time it feels like so long ago since we left home.
    Mike Lenzen recently posted..44 Pounds Lighter in Xela

    • Thanks Mike for stopping by. I know on the road it is hard to keep up with other peoples blogs. Wow 70 days for yall already… time does fly by. I think that is how it is always going to feel…like we just started when really its been so long. Time flies on the road.

  4. Wow, 200 days already!!

    I still get scared ALL THE TIME! And like you, it is ALWAYS on the transportation days. I can never find my hostel, I get fed up sat on trains and buses waiting and waiting and I feel nervous about carrying all my bags with me. I have literally gotten lost every single time I’ve changed hostels, so it’s like here we go again…. And it’s a million times worse in Asia because literally nobody speaks english! Even the cab drivers won’t understand english directions – even things as simple as train! It gets very very frustrating, and i get more apprehensive as time goes by! 🙂
    Lauren recently posted..Two Months of Travel – Summary and Statistics

    • I know Lauren can’t believe it’s been 200 days… its insane!!! Thank you for the honest response… I am so glad I am not alone. I feel the same way you do… seriously im like fuck here we go again… Im about to get lost, ripped off, dropped off in the wrong place ahhh its a million thoughts that cross my mind. I also when I get in a taxi alone… i have to pray that he is taking me to the right place and not in the middle of no where to rob me… I hate that I think like that, but I just get so scared. It is frustrating but hopefully with time it will go away… but doubt it will!!!

      • I’m the exact same! I have been ripped off by so many cabs, and each time I get in one I think to myself, please dont rape me, please don’t rape me! LOL.

        Even the other day, a friend I met in Taiwan was driving us to a pretty lake to spend the day there, and I always had that little voice in my head thinking, arghhh I really hope he isn’t a weirdo that’s going to to take me into a forest and kill me!!!
        Lauren recently posted..Two Months of Travel – Summary and Statistics

        • Oh GOD why do you allow our brains to do that…. WHY GOD WHY!!! I am the same way… lol!!! Then when I am there and safe Im like okay I was being dramatic…lol!!!

          PS I dont think it will ever go away!!!

  5. What a great post. This is actually one of the most heartfelt but entertaining and amusing things i’ve read in ages! Love your blog Jaime.

    I always get scared before going to a new place. No so much the actual travel bit but the unknown at the end of the travel. My boyfriend and I spent over a month in Bali, not only because we loved it but also because we were a little bit scared of where we were going next. We just didn’t know so it was nice to stay in the familiarity of Bali. It’s easy to do so I have so much respect for you for going to so many places in 100 days!

  6. I think what you’re doing is so awesome, the traveling, the blog, the difference you’re making for those people who email you. I can’t believe you’ve passed 200 days already, amazing! I think we’re all scared of something, and continuing to push through makes us stronger and eventually makes those things not so scary anymore. I’m scared about a lot of things that have to do with travel, but the urge to travel and see the world is stronger so I go anyway. When I get scared, I try to remind myself of all the other times I got scared and how it all worked out just fine. You said in this post that you were scared about going to Africa, but then when you got to Morocco you absolutely fell in love with that pretty blue town. So you use that situation to remind yourself later that there’s almost never anything to really be scared about because it will all work out. I can’t wait to read what comes next!
    Ali recently posted..Adjusting to Germany

    • Thanks Ali, I know I cant believe its been 200 days… its just insane! I agree everyone is scared of something and we do have to push through it so it does make us stronger. I like how you put it “the urge to travel and see the world is stronger so I go anyway” <<==that is how I feel… because once I reach the destination I am in awe and love it. I enjoy seeing all the cultures and how diverse our world is… I just love it! Yeah my next post will be interesting especially my take on the cities I visit in Morocco.

  7. Just remember that everything you do is because you want to.

    You wanted for so long to travel the world. Now you’re doing it, and you’re doing it on your terms. There are no rules. Remember when I told you that if you ever felt like you wanted to come home, you could just GO HOME! There is nobody telling you when you can and can’t leave. There is nobody telling you, “no, you have to go here or here before you can go back home”.

    I’m glad you’re still having fun and seeing things most people can only dream of.

    If it gets worse worse, who says you can’t come home for a break, and then leave again?

    All the best Jaime. Keep in touch.

    • Ahhh Jorge yes I remember that whole conversation and I know exactly what you are telling me is the truth. A part of me didn’t want to hear that…lol. Thanks for the comment everything you said is true… so true. Right now I am really enjoying and loving it, but some days it just gets to me and I do wish I was in the comfort of home or my bed or with y’all (my friends)… and then some days it never crosses my mind. It’s strange I know I always write the highlights of my travels, but some days its hard. If for some reason I am not happy anymore trust me I will be the 1st one to pack my bags and bring it home.

  8. OH WOW JAIME!! This was a perfect way to remind us of all the amazing experiences you’ve had in the last 100 days. The weddings, meeting Kelly, meeting up with more travel blogging friends, and arriving in Africa. It blows me away to read it all in one post and see how much you’ve see and done. I am BEYOND thrilled for you.

    I still get scared. I’m not keen on travel days either and haven’t had too many. Arriving at Istanbul’s airport at 2am and having my shuttle driver no-show was overwhelming. Public transport wasn’t running so I had to pay a silly amount to get to the hostel.

    You may have seen one of my favorite quotes on my blog — “Do one thing every day that scares you” (Eleanor Roosevelt).

    Heather recently posted..A Letter to Adriano Zumbo

    • Jaime Davila says:

      Thanks Heather… glad I am not alone on the getting scared part. I remember that quote every time I get scared… I remember reading it ages ago on your blog. If I remember correctly it is your favorite quote.

  9. I love how honest your blog is Jamie. It feels like I’m talking to a friend rather than a complete stranger! Thanks for keeping things honest and real!
    Heather recently life on display

  10. Hi Jaime,

    I just stumbled across your blog for the first time today and this post was a great summary of what you have been up to for me.
    To answer your question about getting scared… I think everyone gets scared at some point or another but these are the moments that define you as a person. It’s how you deal with these fears and challenges that make us who we are.
    Yes you could easily say “This sucks and I wanna go home” or you could take the bull by the horns and cherish the adventure. I travelled through Europe for 4 months and encountered so many obstacles that it seemed like the world was against me but somehow I never gave up.
    Without those challenges I doubt I would be in the position Im in now.

    You need to remember that travelling is not a holiday 🙂
    Michael recently posted..White Water Rafting in Bali with Sobek

    • Hi Michael, glad you stumbled across my blog left a comment and were able to get a good summary of what I have been up too the last 100 days. As for the getting scared part I guess you right it is the moments that define us as a person…. I will continue to face my fears because I do not wanna go home… at least not yet. I still have so much fo the world to see and explore. I am sure all these travels will make me a better person. Oh & trust me I know traveling (like this at least) is not a holiday.

  11. hey man… it seems like it was just yesterday when you started your blog… and now this is your 200th post… time flies so fast…

    3 days from now will be my 6th month travelling and relying solely on an unstable online income (i left my job last year).. like you im scared too… i dont know what would happen in the next few days, weeks or the next few months and sometimes i get scared too whenever i go to a new place… but instinctively i know everything will be alright… just like the fears that ive felt in the past.. i know it will eventually go away…

    it is normal to be scared 🙂 everyone feels it too… the feeling of uncertainty is scary … but i think you’ll be able to live with it and eventually overcome it… the fact that you’ve been travelling solo for more than 200 days now is a proof that you have the courage to move forward despite of the fear… and its a good thing man!!!

    looking forward to more blog posts from you and more adventures!!!

    and always stay safe my friend…
    flipnomad recently posted..How to Go to Nha Trang from Siem Reap

    • Hey Flip its my 200th day on the road… not my 200th post… Im not sure how many post I’ve done (probably to many). I agree time does fly TOO fast. Wow I knew you were on the road but did not know it has been 6 months! I think that is something else I get scared of the uncertain future… but yes now 200 days in I do have the courage to move foward despite my fear. If we let fear hold us back we will never do anything…

      Thanks Flip for reading my blog. Ditto on staying safe on the road!!!

  12. Jaime, LOVE how honest you are in your blog!! This is why I follow you, it gives me a realistic outlook in what I can expect when I start my travels in Feb ’12. You are amazing and I’m so happy you’re livin’ the dream, lol. One day at a time, take care!

    • Thanks Kelley, for following along, I really think being honest in my blogs and about how I am really feeling on the road is key. If I wanna share how it really is out here… the ups and the downs. So how long are you traveling for come Feb & where too? Let me know if I can help ya with anything…

      • I’ve wanted to see Africa since I was a kid so that’s where I’m heading – prob start in Cape Town and head up to East Africa then see where I want to go from there. Planning for a year but will go for as long as I can. The planning and prep is overwhelming sometimes but I’m just trying to stay focused. Got a lot to do but like I said your blog is really encouraging and honest and helps me stay positive. Thanks so much for responding, can’t wait to read what you do next!!

        • Oh wow that sounds amazing no joke… I so wanna see more of Africa… Morocco is amazing… okay has its up and downs but Im loving it!!! Glad I can help you stay positive. When I was planning my breakaway it was blogs that kept me going… its just so much amazingness out there.

          PS I try to reply to every comment. A pet peeve of mine is when I comment on a blog and I see no response even a week later.

  13. Anytime you feel scared just think, “if God is with me, then who can be against me?” Basically, you are God’s child and he is taking care of you every step of the way no matter who or what comes against you. Cuidate luv! TQM!

  14. I’ve traveled on five continents–including over a month in Ghana–often solo. I hate travel days and definitely get scared. I imagine the worst. I always tried to make them easier by seeking out a male backpacker on the chicken bus or whatever with me. I always felt so much safer with a guy around.

    After all, the stats are that 1 in 3 women will be raped in their lifetime, and that scary, truthful statistic was always with me. However, I made myself feel safer (and brave enough to travel in Guatemala, Honduras, and Ghana by myself as a 20-something female) by learning self-defense, being hyper-aware of my surroundings (so exhausting), and by seeking out other travelers to rely on on transportation days.

    I thought only women got scared when they traveled!! Seriously.

    I so appreciate your honesty, Jaime. This is why I have been reading your blog for the last six months or so. 🙂

    I wish you peaceful, happy, less stressful travels! 🙂

    • Camella wow I love that you have been to Ghana I so wanna go… like very bad, but I know I get scared. Im not ready for it yet… I will though because like for this trip… I will not let fear hold me back.

      Those are some scary stats about rape. Im glad nothing has ever happened to you or any of the girls I know traveling solo. I love that you mention that you seek out other backpackers too before transportation days or on them, because I do the same. I feel so much better as long as someone else is with me. I wonder why our brains let us think the worst when we know 99% of the time everything is going to be okay.

      Thanks for reading my blog for the last six months I appreciate it so much.

      • Ghana is much safer and less stressful than Morocco. They are worlds apart and I’d definitely go back to Ghana before I went to Morocco again. Ghana is much less touristy than Morocco, but that is why it’s better/safer. Most native Ghanaians aren’t reliant upon tourists for their income so they are less pushy/less confrontational. There is, however, still a beaten tourist path in Ghana, I stayed on it and felt safe because of it.

        Ghana is also very peaceful in terms of African countries.

        Unfortunately, a very close friend was raped while traveling in Austria in Fall/winter, 2004 so it does happen. She was a solo female and was drinking with a group of both male and FEMALE Austrians in a Austrian ski hostel. She was there as a little ski vacation before returning to the US after spending five months studying abroad in Salzburg, Austria. One of the guys roofied her drink in the hostel when she went to the bathroom. She woke up naked, bloody, and raped the next morning.

        HOWEVER, even this close friend of mine hasn’t let that stop her from traveling the world!! She has even returned to Austria since the rape/physical beating (though not to the city where she was violently raped) after the rape took place because she didn’t want to be afraid of an entire country. Wow.

        I figure if being beaten and raped in Austria in a tourist hostel isn’t enough to deter her from traveling the world, then nothing should stop the rest of us!

        • Jaime Davila says:

          So wow I did not know that about Ghana I will def look into it for sure.

          Um so about your FRIEND… holy fucking shit… that is insane. Wow I just cant believe it… man just wow. I am speechless. Good for her for not letting her stop her but damn that is just crazy.

          • When she returned to her University here in the states, she found out that 5 other girls had also been raped while studying abroad in Fall semester, 2004. Unfortunately, college-aged girls are the most likely demographic to be raped.

            Yeah, I didn’t want to believe it when she told me about it. It took her a lot of counseling to feel better and get to a place where she felt comfortable traveling solo again.

            I am just SO PROUD of her for not letting this incident get in the way of her desire to travel solo. She is still out there traveling solo! She just got back from Egypt actually!

  15. Oh, and it’s my pleasure to read your blog, Jaime! Thanks for writing it!!!!!!

  16. I just found this blog (through a link from Ayngelina’s travel blog), and I have to say I love how transparent and honest you are.

    Knowing the little details, the feelings, whether the good and the not so good, the good times and bad times all together. This journal is so rich I am going to the first post and read it all up to date.

    I can only hope that my own journal stays as true and real as this one as I am starting my own travel in 7 days from now.

    Myself, I know that feeling when traveling, but I kind of thrive in that uncertainty and vulnerability, carrying all my possessions on my back, wondering if I at least took the right bus. The bet you seem to be making entering a narrow road in a town you never been before. and it is not that I am brave, because other things put me on the edge of breaking down and running away. Trivial things, like talking to strangers. I will need to conquer that, or at least learn to handle it, because traveling requires lots of interaction. I look forward to being out of my comfort zone, but I am honestly scared.

    Fear should not stop one from being happy, and I see you are doing fine. Crying is perfectly normal, as you say, we’re human and it is natural to be scared.


    • Jaime Davila says:

      Alf I’m glad you found my blog and thank you for commenting.

      I think being transparent is key to having a good blog. We are humans… why lie about the things we are doing. We have ups and downs… highs and lows… no matter what we are doing in life. I hope you enjoy all my post… I have plenty, I’ve been blogging for a over a year so I’m sure you will find a bit of everything in there.

      It’s all about being outside of your comfort zone. I have been out of it this WHOLE trip… serioulsy even though I have now got the swing of it… arriving in a new city not knowing anyone or anything that alone puts me way out of my comfort zone, but you know what in the end we manage. We go through with it and don’t let fear stop us… because the moment we do let fear stop us we loose our battle with living a happy life.

      Oh & yes crying is normal… if we didn’t cry we wouldn’t be human. Let me know if you ever need anything.. would be more than happy to help ya out.

  17. Willow Martin says:

    Thanks for this post Jaime. I’m going to start my travels August 2013 and I’m TERRIFIED. I’m terrified of being robbed, shot, attacked, raped, beat, stranded, etc. I’m terrified that I’m too fat to travel and that people won’t want to be my friend because of it. I’m terrified of not knowing where to go and not knowing what to do when I get there. I’m terrified that reality won’t match up to my dreams and that I will be blase about meeting new people and seeing too things. I’m terrified that no one will be my friend and that the loneliness is going to overwhelm me. I’m terrified of being in countries where I don’t know the language and having to survive every day. I’m terrified of being sick and dying alone due to substandard health care. I terrified of the racism I’m going to face from other travelers and in foreign countries as an African-American. Most importantly, I’m scared that I’ll find out I’m not as strong, adventurous, open-minded as I think I am and I won’t be able to hack it.

    But with all that said, I’m still saving to take off next year for my RTW trip, come hell or high water. As terrified as I am, I’m even more terrified of the regret I’ll face if I don’t do it. Thanks for sharing your fears and letting me know I’m not alone. If you can do it, I can do it. I hope.

    • Jaime Davila says:

      Willow thanks for commenting… I laughed reading your comment because that is how I felt when I was planning my trip and every day leading up to it. Seriously I had a million thoughts running through my mind and ah I hated it… but I will tell you this. Once you are on the road… you are free and everything will work out just fine. You will meet like minded people on the road… by that I mean open minded people who just wanna have a good time and explore the world like you so don’t worry about being alone or anyone discriminating against you. Oh & trust me you will rarely be alone… seriously of the two years on the road I may have been alone alone a total of one month of this trip & that was because I didn’t want to be bothered. Sometimes you are overwhelmed from meeting people and just want to be on your own. As soon as you land your mind will be blown by how amazing the world really is, how small it is and how easy it is to travel around it. Glad you have a postivive mind set though and are gonna go no matter what. Let me know if you need anything else… or email me breakawaybackpacker(at)gmail(dot)com

  18. silvia chavez says:

    So i read this and i thought…wow. I have felt like that many times jaime, and it feels like we’re all with you. hehe. Dont feel scared. I am 24-years-old and I will be backpacking alone through africa for 2 months and im a girl (apparently thats worse) lol. I am terrified, but you know that feeling that you get when you’re about to do something super challenging and you think you it might not end so well? That feeling is so amazing and afterwards its an irreplaceable perspective. I actually stumbled upon your blog while doing some research for my trip. i liked the name of this blog “I still get scared” it’s something that made me stop in my mental tracks and it struck an emotional cord inside me. I hope everything has gone well for you since you’ve done this and I am so happy that there are people like you, traveling and emersing themselves into the unknown. It gives me hope for humanity and well,it just gives me plain hope. Dont ever stop writing like this— with pure, unintentional emotion. And dont ever settle for something because you feel comfortable, instead settle down because you know in your heart, it’s where you belong. There is so much out there! Good luck to you!


    • Jaime Davila says:

      Just hearing about the adventure you are about to embark on makes me wanna get back out there Silvia. I love that crazy feeling… it’s a feeling like no other, I mean it’s RAW FEAR that is just beautiful once you’ve done what you set out to do. I’m glad you found my blog & I’m glad you enjoy and I love that you love the name of it. I won’t stop writing and I won’t stop doing what I love. I’ve seen a bit of the world, but still have so much more I wanna see!

Speak Your Mind